Sunshine
by Book2romantic
Summary: I've lost him forever. I should be back in Forks, where at least I have memories of him. Not here in Florida. He'd never go to Florida.
1. The Argument

**Author's note: Hello. I am rather new at this, and am looking for anyone who would like to contribute proofing, idea bouncing, revising, or any sort of general advice. If anyone could help, that would be lovely. Message me please?**

"I won't go! You can't make me!"

"Bella, you need to try something to get better," Charlie angrily insisted.

"I'm eighteen, I can live where I want! I won't leave Forks!"

"Bella, please," pleaded my mother looking more concerned than she'd ever been over any injury or disappearance in my eighteen years on this planet.

Would they stop acting all concerned? I knew I really didn't matter. They tried to help, because they were good people, but the one person who knew me, who I'd told every fear and dream, and had loved utterly and completely, he knew I was worthless. After he saw me as I truly was, he knew that I wasn't worth all the trouble to him and those he truly loved.

Him. Those beautiful eyes swam in front of my face, as my parents continued cajoling me. So warm and safe, my whole world.

Gone.

_"You're no good for me."_

"Bella!" cried Charlie, as I collapsed to the floor. I couldn't think or move, just laid there crying.

"Gone," I whispered as I sobbed. My abused body had finally betrayed. I could do nothing but curl into a ball. I felt Charlie picking me up, and carrying me towards my mother's rental car.

"No!" I shrieked. But it didn't make it past my own ears. I had to stay awake. I had to stay in Forks! What if they came back? What if he changes his mind?

But he wouldn't. He'd said I'd never see him again, but he was wrong. He was all I saw. All I heard. And it was all a lie. I couldn't even tell when I was hurting in real life or just in dreams any more. I couldn't tell if I had fallen on those rocks below the cliff that he ran towards, or if I'd tripped on the stairs chasing him. I saw him turning away, after I'd been placed in the car. Why was I in a car? Why wouldn't he turn around and come back to me.

"Edward," I moaned as I faded into blackness.

Where was I? This light in my eyes, a golden color. Almost like.. like nothing. I had never known gold or topaz or deep black.

I shook my head. I saw Renee looking very upset in the seat next to me.

"What happened? Where are we?"

Suddenly I remembered. We were going to Florida.

"No!" I shouted.

"Bella, there's nothing we can do right now, lets give this a few days, see how you do. We can talk about it when we land can't we?"

"No! Let me out!" I fumbled with the seat belt, but I got it open before she could stop me.

"Bella!" she cried.

"Miss, I'll need you to take your seat," said a flight attendant with a look of alarm.

"No, please, you don't understand," I explained in desperation. "I have to go back. Please."

I lunged for the aisle, past my mother. All I managed to do was in up caught on the strap of her carry on, which whipped my head down towards the seat on the other side of the aisle.

CRACK! I felt my vision swim as my head hit, and I heard the voice of an angel crying out.

"Bella!" called his voice, as desperately as I called his. He came back!

I tried to sit up.

"Edward," I murmured. I'd heard him, right there by me. If I could just turn to see him. I felt rivulets of something dripping down the side of my head, but I didn't feel any pain from the impact. It was nothing compared to being away from him. From knowing how worthless I was.

A rusty, salty smell hit my nostrils, and I began to swoon.

No! I had to find him. Please, I couldn't faint now, he was so closed, I'd heard him call my name. Please. No. I just have to turn...

This time when I come to, its almost a familiar setting. I've been in rooms just like this many times over the years. My mind flashed back to the one that I'd met Carlisle in, and I felt myself begin to curl up again as a sob escaped me.

"Hello, welcome to Shands," said a woman in aquamarine clothes. Scrubs, I think their called.

"Where am I?"

"You're in Shands, it's a hospital." The look on her face said that she was willing to be as patient as she needed with a person who had just woken up from a head injury.

"What city am I in?" I was afraid of the answer, I already knew it.

"Jacksonville, honey."

I'd lost him forever. He'd never find me here. Not in the sun, not in a big city. I started sobbing again. Why would they keep me alive without them? Couldn't they let me die one of these times? Just be too slow. Then they wouldn't feel guilty, and I wouldn't feel!

"Can I get you anything?"

I shook my head. There was nothing. Nothing. He knew that I wasn't good enough, for him, for anyone. Why couldn't they see?

He'd wanted me to be human. If they would just let me go, I could do the most human thing possible. Why wouldn't they just let me die?


	2. First Day

**So, still waiting for anyone to offer any sort of advice. I'll even take reviews at this point, though I would still prefer someone to beta/ do any of the things a beta is supposed to do me. So, once again, HELP!**

"Bella? You need to wake up for school," said my mother's voice from behind me in the darkness of my room.

I wasn't asleep. I'd been awake since I got home from the hospital the day before.

The light flicked on, filling my room with a bright yellow light that hurt my tear filled eyes.

My mother went over to the dresser that she had unpacked some of my clothes into. The only thing I had done since I got home was to cover the windows in my room with newspaper to keep the sunlight out.

"Bella, you need to get up. You'll miss breakfast if you don't."

Why should I eat? I'm not hungry. He never had to eat. I sobbed slightly.

"Bella," my mother whispered sadly as she came to cradle me. I could feel the warmth in her, surrounding me, like the sunlight of this place, keeping him away forever.

"No!" I shouted, trying to throw her off of me.

She fell off my bed with a surprised thud. The hurt look on her face would have broken the heart of anyone who still had any life in them.

I just turned away.

"I'll be down in a few minutes," I said.

I struggled up right when she'd left. I didn't even look at the t shirt as I put it on. Jeans and a pair of flip flops. I made my way downstairs, slowly. Perhaps it looked like I was being careful, but I just couldn't bring myself to move any quicker.

"What would you like for breakfast Bella?"

Why would I want you to waste your time and money on me?

"Toast," I said quietly. I found two jam smeared pieces in front of me within a minute. I ate part of one while staring at the clock. Finally it clicked over to when I had to leave.

"We need to get going Bella," said my mother, heading towards the door. I got up to follow. As she opened it sunlight poured onto me, and I flinched back. But what did it matter? What did any of it matter. I walked to the car. My bag was already in there, and my mother was starting it up.

She tried to talk to me, but I didn't respond, and eventually she gave up and turned on the radio. It asked something about there being a soul mate for everyone, but there wasn't, so what's it matter?

Renee took me to the office to get my schedule. They told me the teachers should know about me already, that it wasn't that big a deal to have someone transfer in as long as they could keep up on the course work. Renee swore up one side and down the other that I had been taking just as "challenging" curriculum in Forks. I didn't even listen to what classes I was taking now.

"Do you need someone to show you where your first class is?" asked the woman behind the desk. I shook my head.

"Well, first period already started, so you better hurry."

"Quiet one," I heard her mutter as I walked out.

"You can call me anytime, ok?" pleaded Renee. I nodded. She looked like she was going to burst into tears.

"I'm fine," I said. I started heading off towards a building. I didn't really know where I was going.

I looked at my schedule. Research, first period in T 104. I didn't know what any of that meant, but what did it matter. I walked into the first building I came to, as I saw a group of kids late for class heading down the pathway I was on.

That turned out to be a mistake, as I immediately heard a noise coming from the nearest door in that building.

Music. Someone was playing music. I felt my stomach clinch up, as I realized that it was a piano. I crashed to the floor, the half a piece of toast heaving up onto the cold tiles.

Cold, just like him.

"Holy shit!" said a voice from behind me. "Are you ok?"

"What the hell do you think?" shot back a second voice.

Suddenly there were two people leaning over me.

"Lets get her out of here before, a, we get noticed for cutting class, and b, we get stuck cleaning up this mess."

"We should take her to the nurse."

No, just leave me.

"When did we get a nurse?"

"Touche."

"Want to stay here, noobie?"

"No," I murmured. Not in answer, just because it was all I could manage while thinking of him right then.

I blacked out again as I felt two pairs of arms lifting me up.

I awoke to a strange zipping sound. I realized it was cards being shuffled at high speed as I opened my eyes.

"Sorry to kidnap you, but we really didn't think we should leave you there," said a kind sounding voice, as the cards bent and flew into one neat stack.

"She awake?"

"No, I just rehearse awkward moments, 'cause I like 'em," shot back a suddenly acid voice. I cringed away. It was too much like his voice had been.

"Sorry," said the voice, once again all soothing and comfort.

"I suppose introductions are in order," said the one sitting in the backseat with me, shuffling those cards over and over again, in a perfect rhythm. Suddenly they stopped.

"I'm Matt, and our driver is Tim. You are Isabella Marie Swan, and I am also perfectly willing to go through an unconscious person's wallet, so don't be surprised we know who you are."

Great, some other good Samaritan to keep me in pain. Leave me alone!

"Hmmm... Death. Given your present condition, not a good draw. Lets try again. Eight of Swords. Man, bad luck." I heard the shuffling start, then stop again.

"And a ten of swords. Good thing we're on the way to the hospital."

The hospital?

"Why are we going to the hospital?" I croaked. I couldn't make out what I was saying. Matt handed me a bottle of water. I tried a swig, then asked again.

"Why are we going to the hospital? I'm fine."

"Hey, Tim, what would you define fine as?"

"I think I would have to go with someone curled up in the middle of the floor of C wing as if they had just been stabbed."

"Me too. Which is why I decided you weren't fine. Since you were throwing up in addition to that."

"I'm not going," who do you think you are, dragging me off to the hospital?

"Well, we're going to visit a friend there, so you can tag along if you want, or you can stay in the car or some thing."

We pulled to a stop. I could see cars around us, we must have been in some sort of parking lot. The two boy piled out. I stayed laying there in the car, surrounded by that blinding stupid sunlight. I started crying again, left there in a car. Why? I'd been, not happy, but at least content before I met him. Why did I meet him? Why would I think that he could love me? Just because he saved me? Him being a good man didn't make it more likely that he'd love me. It just threw us farther out of whack. He'd risk his family, the life they'd made for themselves, for some random stranger, while I couldn't even live my life, not even to try to ease the pain of Charlie and Renee. I was so much less than him. I curled up further.

I realized that I could feel the metal of the seatbelt I'd just come into contact with burning my skin.

"Get out of the car, Bella," said my angel's voice. I shot upright, smacking my head on the roof. It was covered in some sort of fabric though. Even with the stitches it hurt less than many injuries over the year.

Plus he was here! Somewhere, right near me. And he was trying to get me out of the car that I now realized was cooking me alive in the sun.

The sun! I needed to get him inside!

"Edward!" I called, frantically clamoring out of the car.

"Edward! Where are you?"

Where was he? He could hear me, why wouldn't he answer.

"Edward! Please?"


	3. The Hospital

**Author's note: As usual,I'm always looking for help, and would love to hear your opinions on this. I need people to bounce ideas off of, so review, message, or send letters out in a bottle and hope.**

I heard cars pulling out, and pulling in. Families walked by talking about hope and tragedy. I let all the conversation wash over me as I rocked on the ground, curled up behind a pillar by the entrance to the hospital.

"I can't believe she had it so soon, he's tiny. Yeah, I know, what a name, right?"

"Is gramma gonna be ok?"

"She'll be fine, Tony, she'll be out in a few days."

"What do you mean talk about options? There's no options."

I faded in and out, for hours or days? He didn't come back. I kept whispering his name. I couldn't call out any more, but I had to try something. I'd searched around the whole block, over and over, till my undernourished body had collapsed. I'd eventually dragged myself to some shade. Couldn't he just let me see him one more time? I just needed to see him.

"Where'd she go? Oh, man, shit she left my car open."

"Get over it. Shit. If she'd had a cell, we'd at least be able to call her."

I looked up, not calling out to them, I couldn't stop repeating Edward's name over and over.

"If someone took my stereo, its your ass."

"Shhhh... give me a minute here."

I looked them, really for the first time. If you looked quick, they could almost be brothers, brown hair, brown eyes, about the same height, but it was obvious they weren't related. Different faces, different shape to them, one having darker skin, though it didn't look like either got out enough. I couldn't remember which was which. What did it matter anyhow? I don't want to be found, not by anyone but him.

The one who had asked for quiet finger something in his pocket, then looked straight at me.

"Swan!"

"Leave me alone," I muttered.

"Yes, that strikes me as something to do again. We didn't immediately realize the person people were gossiping about inside was you, but we managed to figure out that the person racing around screaming for 'Edward' sounded familiar," he didn't seem mad when he said it though, just disappointed. Like the whole thing was his fault some how. As if he could do anything! I actually started laughing at his concern.

"Glad I could be amusing," he said, extending a hand. He sighed as I didn't take it, and instead dropped to sit down next to me. I continued to look of to the side, scanning for Edward. I couldn't give up hope. I could never imagine something as beautiful as his voice. He must be here.

"Hey, Matt, not to be a jerk, but are you guys coming or what?"

"Nah, leave us. You got shit to do, I don't. See ya?"

"Let me know how this goes?" called Tim, as he climbed into his car.

"Like I tell anyone how shit goes," muttered the kid beside me. He looked like a sophomore. Tall maybe, but young.

Got to keep looking. I started to get up. Get away from the stuff that was blocking my view.

"Where you headed?" I didn't answer, I had to go find Edward.

"He's not here, you know," he said gently. I whipped around to glare at him with all the hate I could manage.

"He's here, I heard him!" It didn't come out with rage, just a pained gasp.

"He's here." I said again, giving up on being angry.

"Should I help look?"

"What?"

"Should I help look? It isn't like I have anything else to do, unless I want to sneak back in after visiting hours."

"Ok." I answered in a startled voice.

He had out the deck of cards again. Not looking at them, just fidgeting with them in his hands. It made him look even younger.

"Brown hair, bronze really. Tall, thin, pale. But so incredibly, breathtakingly beautiful it hurts to look at him. You wonder if he's even real."

I'm speechless. How does he have any idea what Edward looks like?

"Eyes fading from a warm gold to a black, frightening black that you get lost in, don't you?"

I'm tearing up again, but I manage to gasp out a question.

"How?"

"I'm a strange kid, Swan, get over it."

I start to turn away, but stumble straight off the curb, I put my arms out to brace myself, just as I feel an arm wrap around me. Unfortunately for the arm, it doesn't have Edwards strength behind it, and I pull over both of us, though he manages to cushion my impact at the expense of his own.

"You ok?" he asks.

I keep sobbing. Always bringing people down, Bella, that's why he left. You couldn't do anything on your own, he had to save you. Had to help you with everything. You're so worthless without him.

"Not that I object, but do you really want to spend the rest of the day on top of me?" said a voice softly, as if trying to gently guide me back to reality.

"Sorry," I said, sitting up, and letting him up.

"Don't worry. It was my pleasure Miss Swan."

He looked at me for a while. Then shook his head. He started to shuffle the cards.

"I think a more intricate reading for you this time."

He began laying out cards. The first one depicted nine swords, the next said "the world" and was laid on top of the first. The next one drawn featured a boy holding a sword. It went to the right of the first two. The next card featured death, and was placed below the two cards on top of each other. Another card was drawn, this one showing the sun, and it got placed opposite death. As he reached for another card, the whole deck exploded from his hand, flying in every direction.

**Author's note: So, anyone into tarot? Offer me a good explanation behind this reading, and I have an outtake that will never be published, at least by me, that I will send out. That's how desperate for interaction I am. I offer secret outtakes.**


	4. Excuses

**Author's note: You know the drill. I'm still looking for volunteers to help me improve my writing and help storyboard a little. Review and I love you. The offer from the end of last chapter still sort of stands, but you'd have to really impress me.**

The shocked look on his faces as his cards flew everywhere set me to giggling again.

"Hey, this is serious," he said.

"Your seriousness is blowing away," I pointed out as a gust of wind started dragging the scattered cards down the block. He'd looked young before, but watching him frantically chasing after brightly colored pieces of paper dropped him from fourteen to about ten.

The five cards he'd laid out hadn't moved an inch in the wind, and I bent over and looked at those. The sun and the world. How very celestial, I thought. And there was death, and lots of swords abound, plus one thin, pale boy. Well at least death was right. I was dead, ever since he left, and I was going to die, rather than live for ever with him. Death, it was every second of the day without him. A voice snapped me out of my reverie before the tears could even fall.

"As I was saying, this is serious. Yours is by for the most interesting reading I have ever done."

"I don't see why. I'm not very interesting," I sighed, blinking back the tears.

"Do you know _anything _about tarot?"

"I don't think some dumb cards know anything about me."

"Good. You're probably right. I just do this to amuse myself any way. Keeps my hands busy, and its a great ice breaker. I don't have to actually approach people, they come up to me, and when I know things about them I can say its the cards and not that I facebook stalked all the hot girls who said they'd be at where ever it was. But..."

I sat silently. I wasn't in the mood to be provoked into conversation, so if he wanted to tell me anything, he'd have to just do it.

"Fine," he said, "I'll just talk. Before something interrupted."

"You mean you slipped?" I asked.

"I don't misdeal. Something else cut off the reading. Great silent treatment by the way."

"I'll go back to ignoring you then."

"One quick question, before you resume the depressed brooding that, by the way, my cards say you are in due to a lying boy and a sudden breakup. This card," he said pointing at the sun, "says that the best possible outcome of your problem could be love, joy, and in some interpretations, a happy marriage. If your life turned out how you wanted, would you really get those things?"

I couldn't answer. Edward. He was all those things. And I'd never have them again. I curled up again, starting to shake.

"Worst case I ever seen," he said.

Something in me snapped.

"I know I'm the worst, but I don't want _your _help, ok? Leave me alone, so I can at least try and remember him. I need to remember him," suddenly the rage burned out, and I was once again lying on the concrete sobbing.

"I need to remember."

I don't know how long we were there, but eventually Matt spoke.

"How were you going to get home from school?"

"What?"

"Was someone picking you up from school? Or were you taking the bus? Or walking?"

"My mom was picking me up."

"Yeah, well, ummm... schools been out for about three hours, and not to take you away from the suffering and pining, but Lucy, we got some 'splainin' to do."

"What?"

"We need a hell of a cover story for why you aren't there. Remember, you were supposed to be at school all day?"

"Oh no, Renee's going to be freaking out." I started to scramble up, getting a hand from Matt as my legs refused to work. They'd managed to fall asleep while I was on the ground.

"Let me see your schedule," he said.

I looked around me, expecting to find something, a bag, a notepad, something.

"Oh, that's right, here's your stuff," said Matt, holding out a bag.

I handed him the schedule as soon as I could find it, and he grinned.

"No problems, I've got half of these classes, and they give out huge text books. Take mine, and you'll have had to go to class. No one sells these on the street. Then we'll just say we went for pizza or something, and didn't think to call."

I didn't want anyone to have an excuse to talk to me overly much, or to mess up anyone else's life, so I immediately objected.

"No, you need them to study."

"I play cards in most of those classes and am still getting all A's. I know we may not look it, what with the cutting class, but me and my friends are the only thing keeping that wretched excuse for an educational institution meeting minimum state test score requirements. The whole schools a dangerous joke."

"Dangerous?"

"Oh sure, violence, gangs, drugs..."

I thought back to the dangers at my last high school, and couldn't help but start laughing at his now startled face once again.


	5. One question

My laughter died down after a minute.

"Must have some crazy stories from your last school."

"No, I don't," I shot back, not wanting or able to talk it.

He laughed, a quick chuckle, before pulling out a shiny gray object from his pocket.

"Here, borrow my phone to call someone," he said as he handed that over too. "By the way, get one for yourself."

"I don't have anyone I want to call." Except him.

"Well, we want to call you."

"I don't have anyone I want to talk to."

"Anyone ever told you you're a terrible liar?"

I glare at him as I begin punching in Renee's cell phone number, hitting the keys much harder than I need to.

It rang twice. I could just imagine Renee scrambling through the entire contents of her purse as she tried to get to the phone in time. This just reminded me of how Edward always was right there, with whatever I needed. I sucked in a breath against the pain, but I was glad. I didn't want to not think about him. I'd rather lay there crying all the time than chance forgetting anything about him.

"Hello? Who's this?" came my mom's frantic reply finally.

"It's me, mom."

"Oh Bella, are you ok? Where are you? What happened? Are you alright? I was all over the school looking for you."

"Mom, I'm fine."

"I got a bunch of teachers to help. Where are you?" she continued as if I hadn't spoken.

"Pizze Rustica," offered Matt.

I looked at him funny.

"Say we're at some pizza place," he said with a sigh.

"I'm at some pizza place with a couple of people from school. I didn't want anything from the cafeteria. I was just calling to let you know I was ok"

"Really?" said Renee, suddenly happier, but plainly surprised that I was eating pizza. "Well, call me if you need a ride or anything. I love you Bella."

"Love you too, Mom. Bye."

"Bye honey. Be careful."

"I will. Bye."

I looked for a button to hit to cut off the call before I realized I could just snap it closed. I closed it much harder than needed, which was way more satisfying than hitting some button anyhow.

"I see why you don't have a phone."

"So are we going somewhere?"

"Well, after how well that went, I figured we'd better go get something to eat, lest they be suspicious when you return home hungry."

"Just get me home. I'm not hungry." Maybe he'd like me thinner?

"Well, I'm hungry. I'll pay."

I began walking the other way. I didn't know where I was going, but I wasn't going for pizza. I was going to go home, and think about Edward, and try to come up with a way to make him love me, try to remember the good parts in my life. The parts that would never be again. I tripped over nothing, as I was falling I heard stereo.

"Bella!" cried out my angel, and some other, lesser voice at the same instant. I was rolled over from my face first impact quickly, gently cradled in someone's arms. Warm arms!

"Are you ok?" asked Matt.

"Get away from me!" I shouted. I struggled upright, looking for him again.

"There's no one else here," Matt said as he tried to step closer to me.

"I heard him!" I shouted, crying. I swung at his head as he got closer, but he darted back. The momentum and the tears made me fall again, but this time it was only Matt that responded. He caught me and put me on the ground gently, before backing off, watching me crying.

"Bella," he said.

I cried harder, thinking of the person who should have been saying my name, comforting me as I laid there.

"Bella, please stop. I hate seeing you cry."

I stopped sobbing as I felt him move my hair out of my face.

"Don't touch me," I spat, trying to smack his hand, but missing again. "Why do you even care?" I don't even know you."

"Does it matter why I care, Bella? I want to help you find Edward. How could that go against your interests?"

"No. I can't find him. I don't deserve him anyhow. He's right. He's completely right. I don't know how I could have fooled myself into thinking he could love someone as worthless as me." now I was whispering, barely any breath behind it.

"You remind me of someone I knew. Maybe I'm trying to help you out of penance. But I think he loved you. I think he still loves you."

"How would you know? How do you know anything about Edward? How did you know my name and what he looked like?"

"I'll answer one of those questions now, if you pick the right one. If not, I'll figure that you don't really want to know, don't really want to find out."

I thought about Edward, how much I missed him, the piece of me missing. How I couldn't eat or sleep, wanting to be as cold as he was all the time, to not have to feel so lonely. To not be so worthless. I looked up at Matt with tear streaked eyes, looking for the lie in his face, listening for one in his voice. Just as I'd searched for one in him as he threw me away.

"Do you really think he loves me?"

**Author's note: So, feedback is good. Is this the right question? I feel like it is, but if you can give me a good reason that another was more important, I'll write you an outtake just for you, where she asks that question instead. If I like the results of your outtake better, I might even write more. And these would never be posted on any public forum. You could essentially get your own custom, personal story, just for arguing with me.**


	6. Lies

"I've only ever been more certain of one thing in my life."

And he looked so sure. As if it was something he could just take for granted, like gravity.

"Edward loves you."

It was unnerving, his certainty looking straight into my soul, indicting me for ever doubting.

But he didn't love me. He'd said so, with the same intense, smoldering gaze eyes that had told me that I wasn't nothing. The same voice that comforted me had told me how I was unimportant, how I was nothing more than a distraction. The same arms that had held me through the night, that had shielded me from everything, had pushed me away.

"Was he a good man?"

I nodded, on autopilot, thinking of how wonderful he'd been, how I'd managed it all.

"He said he loved you didn't he?"

So many times. With his every word, every touch. The way he moved would say it. He wrote an entire song that had no word in it, but said that he loved me to anyone who listened.

"And then he said he didn't."

Then the novelty had worn off, and he'd seen me for what I really was: a clumsy, ugly, stupid girl who was so beneath him. He'd seen that I was only anything if he made me it. How he had to save me from everything. How I couldn't do anything on my own.

"So he lied, either once, or many times. If he was a good man, then he would have lied the least amount needed."

"He wasn't lying. Ever," I didn't even speak, just moved my mouth, but Matt must have heard.

"Oh, so he never lies?" said an incredulous and now angry Matt. "Never once in his entire existence?"

Protecting his family wasn't a lie. Looking out for all Carlisle's hard work, not making them live as animals and refugees, letting Esme be a mother, that wasn't a lie.

"Do you lie, Bella?"

I nodded, holding my knees tightly against my chest, shaking in eighty degree weather as if it was the freezing rain back in Forks.

"You don't have to tell me. I can see that you have. You've lied so that you didn't hurt them. Forced yourself to act like you cared more than you do. Like you were happy, and that you loved them. Martyred yourself and said you were happy for it. Lied to your parents, just because you thought it'd be better if they didn't know the truth."

How could he? He didn't know anything about me, but a voice whispered that he was right, that I didn't care about Charlie, that I loved Renee more, else I would never have let a place keep me away from him. Another way I wasn't good enough for Edward. Didn't love my parents, didn't tell them the truth. He loved Carlisle and Esme so much, there were no secrets, between them, and they were nothing to him. People he'd just happened to meet in his life, as I met the person who stood before me condemning me.

"And you've lied to hurt them. You've said things that were meant to cause pain."

His voice wasn't raised anymore. There was no more anger in it. Almost forgiveness.

"Lies make us who we are. You're good, because you lied for good reasons. Even the ones designed to hurt, you had to, didn't you? There was no other way."

I nodded, not sure I agreed, but grasping for any way that I wasn't as hopeless as I felt.

"He's a good man. He lied when he said he didn't love you. He thought he had a good reason."

Misery, pain, loneliness, complete emptiness. But now hope, too. Not much, so little the doubt that surrounded it would strangle it in an instant if I didn't fight to keep it, but there was some.

"Even if you're right, what can I do now?"

"Oh, that's easy. We just prove his reason was wrong. I'm great at proving things wrong. This'll be a cinch."

I snorted at his flippant optimism.

"Did you just snort?"

"Why do you even care?"

"'Cause snorting is hilarious."

"No, why do you care about me and Edward?"

"Same reason I know so much about you."

"Why do you know so much about me?" I asked as he stood up. I gathered myself and rose too.

"I told you already: 'Cause I went through your wallet while you were unconscious. Come on, here's our bus," he said as a bus pulled up in front of where we sat on the sidewalk.

"I don't have any money."

"I'll pay. Since I'm the one dragging you to the pizza place."

"Will you tell me there?"

"No, probably not."

I stomped off to find a seat, determined not to have any further conversations without getting an explanation.

**Author's note: So tell me what you like and dislike. If anything seems terribly wrong, I'd really like to know. I want to fix any glaring problems that I miss when I write this at 2 in the morning and then post completely unproofed. I have no special contests for this chapter, but you can still do the old ones. **


	7. You call that an Explanation?

I'd already sat down by the time Matt finally finished finding all the change from his pocket to pay bus fare. The bus had started moving toward its next stop, which was a busy one judging by all the people starting to get up. He wove between them, moving gracefully, like it was some kind of dance. Until he flung himself into the seat next to mine.

"So what was Washington like?" he asked suddenly full of enthusiasm.

I ignored him.

"What are your hobbies? Do you have any siblings? Favorite food? Favorite book?"

He went on for a few minutes as I stared pointedly out the window. I almost wondered if people thought he might be bothering me, and try to stop him. Like he was harassing me, or some sort of stalker.

"...Favorite teacher? Least Favorite subject? Here's our stop by the way," he said, springing up towards the door. I almost missed it in the never ending flurry of unanswered questions. By the time I got down the stairs of the bus, he was actually pirouetting on the side of a planter.

"How old are you? Like six?" I finally broke my silence to ask.

"I'm seventeen, but I'm young for my age," he said, jumping lightly down to the ground. "So is my silent treatment over?"

I didn't answer. I was upset at myself for breaking it for that one snide comment. There really wasn't any reason to make fun of him anyhow, it was petty of me.

"Just in a bad mood?" he asked, beating me to my own thought. We walked through a set of double doors, into a single room with a large counter running most of its length.

He walked up to the counter, where a greasy looking man who plainly had a great deal of experience with food was standing behind a register.

"I'll have meat bomb and two drinks."

"Got a date or something, Matt?"

"You know me, such a lady's man." They both laughed as if it was some terrific joke.

"So, I've decided to pick a more potent topic to get you to talk to me," Matt announced as we arrived at the table.

"What do you want to drink? That's not the topic, I just realized I forgot to get drinks before I sat down. The topic is Edward," he announced, then he sighed theatrically, as if he was some love struck fan swooning over a movie star. Now I had reason to be mad at him. I glared at his back as he weaved his way to the soda fountain. He got coke and lemonade, since I had still refused to answer.

"How did you and Edward meet?"

I thought back to that first day, seeing him across the cafeteria, the biology class where it looked like he hated me, as if he saw me as I truly was, like he did when he finally left. No, stop thinking like that. He had some reason, you just don't know it. I tried to convince myself, but it was really just that I wanted to believe it so badly that it had any kind of chance. It didn't seem particularly true.

Meanwhile, Matt was examining me, as if he could somehow get an answer from my silence.

"Ok, I can talk about me, if you don't even want to talk about Edward. I thought for sure that would get a word out." He seemed confused that it hadn't.

"I was born in Mississippi, but moved here to Jacksonville with my father when my parents split up. That was when I was two. I don't really have any memories of ever having lived anywhere else than here. I don't remember my mother very well."

"I used to be more normal, played baseball, had lots of friends. I'm still a straight A student that loves to read. I also love playing cards, and you can expect me to have at least one standard fifty two card deck on me at all times. So now, you talk," he said, flourishing his hands at me as if tossing a ball, or a will to communicate.

"If you don't ask any questions, I won't answer them. I dislike talking about it enough that if you give me an excuse I won't."

"How do you know anything about Edward?"

"Well some of it is just observation. I expect, for example, that he was a good pianist, considering where Tim and I found you. I think he might not have eaten much, though that might just be some self esteem issue. Judging by the way you react to being held or caught, he must have been quick, since you made it clear that it wasn't my place to do it."

"How did you know what he looks like?" I demanded, enunciating each word.

He fidgeted, twirling his fork through his fingers.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Hadn't he said he'd answer my questions, as long as I asked them?

"It just felt right, like that was how he was supposed to look." He seemed incredibly nervous, as if this whole thing made him very uncomfortable.

"Why does it even matter how I knew? How do we know things anyhow?"

"You learn them."

"Not everything. How do you walk?"

"What?"

"Tell me how to walk. You can tell me to put one foot in front of the other over and over again, but I don't know how to move the muscle. It just moves."

"Those aren't the same."

"Well, why not?"

"They just aren't," I said, feeling stupid for the answer. "Ones something you remember, the other is an, I don't know, an unconscious process I guess."

"Well, maybe I remember things wrong. I've never been very good at remembering."

"So you remember things you shouldn't?" What if he knew "remembered" they were vampires? Did he know already? How much trouble could he cause the Cullens? I shook slightly as I wondered.

How much trouble could he cause Edward?

"I don't know how it works," he said, as a large rectangular pizza with pepperoni, ham, sausage, and several meats I couldn't readily identify thick on top of it.

I let him eat in peace while I pondered how to protect Edward from someone who didn't even realize what a threat he posed to the people I loved. They left so that I wouldn't complicate their lives, I would make sure that this didn't either.

**Author's note: Don't worry, the mechanics and causes of Matt's "feelings" will come up lots more, I promise it'll get clearer. If anyone has any guesses, I'd love to hear them. I'll tell you if you guess right. And maybe come up with some other suitable prize.**


	8. Dreams

"I don't usually get anything from something far away," Matt said around a bite of pizza. He'd put a slice on the plate in front of me, but I hadn't touched it.

"So why would you be able to see Edward with me?" I needed a hint, some way to figure out how to keep him from learning anything else about the Cullens.

"Well, either he's near by, or more likely, you're so focused on him that I can start to get stuff about him. Like you were so close he's really part of you." It hurt to think about him, but Matt was right. I felt like I had a huge chunk of myself ripped away, and that I'd only ever be whole again if I could get him to take me back. I'd never be whole again. But maybe I could protect them by just staying away from Matt. That couldn't be that hard, could it?

"Or maybe its both," Matt said brightly. "Or neither. I don't really have any idea."

Well, I'd stay away after this. At school, there were hundreds of people, I'd be able to lose myself no problem. He'd get no more ideas about Edward from me. Why did I keep screwing up his life? He was so perfect. At least this time I could protect him.

The bus ride home passed in a haze, with me insisting that I was just trying to process the whole idea that I had some magic psychic kid hanging out with me. Matt didn't really look like he bought it.

He shouted as I got off the bus, "I'm going to find him, don't worry."

How reassuring, the kid I just met was taking it upon himself to find my vampire ex. I sank down as I thought the word. I didn't even know where it came from, but I would never think it or say it ever again. Soul mates aren't exes. Perfection doesn't become an ex. I just didn't deserve him. I dragged myself into the house. Renee pounced as soon as I trudged through the door.

"I'm so sorry I freaked out Bella. How was your day? What are your friends like?" she meant well, but I was suddenly exhausted fear and curiosity having kept me going through the last few hours.

"Can we talk tomorrow? I'm really tired right now. I just want to sleep." I didn't mean for tears to edge into my voice, or to sway from the lightheadedness, but I did.

Renee looked ready to help, but then suddenly seemed to remember the last time she tried to hold me, and drew back. I stumbled off to bed, dreading sleep, hoping that I was so far gone that I wouldn't dream, hoping that I would catch a glimpse of Edward in my dreams.

_I saw Edward. He was standing with his back to me, looking out a window. I could see a faint glow coming from it._

_"Edward!" I cried out in anguish._

_He turned to look at me, his eyes sadder than even mine must have looked at that moment._

_"How could you, Bella?"_

_I looked out the window to see a mob of people, with guns and torches, hard grim army men and normal towns folk._

_"I didn't mean to Edward! Please, there's got to be a way out." Wasn't there some escape? But even as I watched, Carlisle's Mercedes plowed into the barricades around the house, then he and Esme burst out. They were so fast, I thought they'd make it, but a hail of bullets staggered Esme, an instant slower than Carlisle, as she tore out of her door. Carlisle ran back to her, helping her up, she seemed to only be dazed. As he lifted her, the first tongue of flame caught him. I saw one of the army men pointing some sort of nozzle at him, spitting fires, and it clung to his flawless skin. It didn't immediately kill him, and he managed to turn and shield Esme form most of the burst, when something exploded right at his feet. She flew into the crowd, as people were scythed down by the blast, and Carlisle was hurled into the front wall of the house. I saw her pushing herself upward, purple smoking coming off her as the flames bit into her pale flesh._

For once, it wasn't my own screaming that woke me up, in the limited sleep that I got. It was Carlisle's.

**Author's note: Short, I'm sorry. But she's not the only exhausted one here. So, as a quick new contest, try to guess what this foreshadows. 'Cause the dreams always seem to foreshadow something. And if you have any ways that the story would have been better, let me know. If they are plot changes and you persuade me, I'll write the whole thing anew, just for you, and PM it to you.**


	9. Resolve

I was up before Renee, images of Esme dancing through my mind, making sure I would do what ever I had to to make Matt turn his attention elsewhere. I was dressed by the time she came to the door of my room, though I'd still refused to turn on any lights.

"Bella?" asked Renee, seeing my empty bed as she cracked open the door.

"I'm awake already, mom." Now I would get up every day. I would function and seem normal, and try to keep any attention away from me. Attention to me was attention to my past. Attention to my past led to the Cullens, and to the smoke rising off of the charred body of a woman who's greatest ambition in life had been to love five strangers as if they were her own children. Attention led to a brilliant doctor, who beat his own savage nature every day to help people, screaming in agony as he watched the love of his life going up in flames. I would not lead anyone to the Cullens, not my mother or father, not some weirdo psychic kid who wouldn't leave well enough alone, and not the military and some angry mob. I had to protect them. To protect Edward. I wouldn't screw this up.

"Do you want some toast again?"

"Yes please. I actually feel kind of hungry." Normal people ate. I would need to be careful, as I could tell that this meal wasn't going to stay down any easier than the others, but I could hide that easier than I could hide never eating.

"So how was yesterday?" said Renee earnestly, making sure to keep up a happy facade so that my happy facade wouldn't crumble again.

"Well, I certainly met some interesting people. And I got some of my books," I added as I gestured to the bag that was laying by the door.

"Should I pick you up after school today?"

"No, I'll walk or find a ride back," I quickly said, not wanting a repeat of yesterday. If that happened again she was liable to put the mob from my dream together just to search for me.

After I ate the toast, I brushed my teeth, and then we headed to the car. I rested back my head and tried to sleep, more to avoid conversation than to actually rest, as I was afraid the dream might continue if I drifted off again.

In no time, we were in front of the off white main entrance of the school, and Renee was wishing me a good day, and reminding me to call if I need anything. As she pulled away, a guitar and drum began blaring from my bag, as a singer informed me that he didn't wanna leave his bed today.

"There's my phone!" said a voice I recognized. My whole goal for today, ruined! If he sees anything, oh please don't let him see anything. I'd kill myself, rather than have them be chased down like that. Anyone but the Cullens. Anyone but my Edward.

I started to tear up, but stopped, and forced myself to look around impassively. Will power born of desperation let me keep the tears from falling. I would be normal! To protect them. For Edward. I looked up to see two figures striding towards me.

"I'm sorry," said Matt, suddenly taken aback.

"For what?" I asked flippantly. A normal person would have no reason for him to be apologetic towards, right?

"I don't know, but I am."

"Hello," I said to Tim.

"Morning."

"Well, here's your phone," I said, handing it over to Matt. "I was just heading to first period."

"You don't know where your first period is," pointed out Matt. My cheeks heated up as I scrambled for my schedule.

"Its in... umm...C213," I finally finished.

"Oh, my class is in C wing, I can show you where it is." Thankfully, this came from Tim. Matt set off in a different direction without a word.

"Strange kid," muttered Tim.

"What's up with him? You're his friend, right?" I asked, clumsily digging for information. I thought back to previous attempts, and was glad that at least this time I wasn't pretending to flirt. I wouldn't do that ever again. I didn't have it in me anymore.

"Friend might be the wrong word. I'm not sure if he really has friends. We're more allies, I guess."

"Allies? You sound like your at war or something."

"Well, ideally I'm not, but it helps to have people to frighten off anyone who might start something. Lots of people are sort of afraid of him."

"Why? He doesn't seem that intimidating?" Though as I asked, I thought of how people instinctively avoided the Cullens, just because they could sense that something was different.

"He does his stupid psychic bit. A couple lucky guesses, some card tricks."

"He seemed pretty good at it to me," I offered, shivering on the inside at the memory, though on the outside I remained calm.

He laughed. "Did it on you, huh? Ever seen the show Psych?"

I shook my head as I began to feel queasy. Maybe I wasn't keeping it all inside as well as I hoped.

"The guy on the show is like, super observant, Sherlock Holmes type thing. He claims he's psychic on there. Matt's like that. Observant, but he really isn't any different than anyone else."

I heaved slightly as my hand went up towards my mouth, a bitter, acidy taste beginning to fill it.

"Bathroom's right there," offered Tim quickly, stepping back.

I darted in, managing to get to a garbage can. So much for seeming normal.

I thought about what Tim had said. It didn't fit, not after all the other "magic" I'd seen. I believed that Matt really was psychic. But it didn't matter. Either way I had to avoid him. For the sake of the Cullens. For my Edward.

**Author's note: Yeah, I took down the original of this, because it was dumb, and removed some outlandish things. I like this better. I still will try to get in two updates today.**


	10. Classes

I'd gotten to my class late, but the teacher had strode into the room a few minutes after the bell, so he hadn't even noticed. The room had on door in the front left corner, and a desk for the teacher in the back right corner. In the middle was about 30 desks arranged to face the projector screen that took up most of the front wall. I took one of the empty seats near the desk of the gray haired fellow I assumed was the teacher.

I looked down at the schedule, trying to figure out what I was in.

_Am Hist AP Gregory C213_

Apparently I was in advanced placement American history to start the day. It wasn't my favorite subject, and as the teacher pulled out the overhead and began talking, I felt myself being slowly lulled to sleep. As I fought myself awake again, I noticed that he sounded exactly like that one teacher from _Ferris Bueller's Day Off_. The image of him repeating Bueller, Bueller, would have made me smile, if I ever could have grinned again. But it did help me stay awake, and I ended up taking quite a few notes on how Jackson managed to upset everyone but still put off the civil war.

I glanced around the room a few times, and while there were a lot of curious looks my way, I wasn't the circus that I had been the first day at Forks High. Thinking the name of that school made me realize that I didn't even know the name of the school that I was attending. I'd figure it out later, it was probably on the schedule somewhere.

When class ended, a somewhat pudgy boy in glasses started towards me.

"Do you need help finding your next classes?" he asked, making me think of Eric, and of course, the first time I had seen Edward.

"No," I answered in a voice so staccato it seemed to stun him, and I darted out into the hall. I needed to appear normal. I didn't need to be normal, and I certainly didn't need to be social.

On the other hand, I didn't actually have any idea where my next class was. I started retracing my steps, going back towards the administrative offices that I'd ran into Matt and Tim in front of. I stumbled as I tried to read a tiny slip of paper while descending a sticky flight of stairs, but it was so crowded that I was actually only able to shove the person in front of me a little. I muttered a few less than halfhearted sorries as I reached the bottom. Where would I find A216?

I cringed as I stepped out into the sun outside C wing, temporarily shocked by its brightness. Fortunately, this made my head turn back to the building, letting me spot a large C on it. Looking at the next building, I saw a B on it, and figured that I should head that way. It was an AP chemistry class, which was good since it would make me have lots of work, but bad because math, chemistry, and physics put me to sleep as well as anything that wasn't written entirely by those beautiful cold hands I would never see again anywhere but my fantasies.

This class went a lot like the first, I took a seat, and tried to pay attention. Was I always this unmotivated? Did I have to fight to stay awake in class before I met him? The memories didn't seem to want to come, like they were covered in some fog, or like they belonged in another life. Perhaps he took my motivation with him when he left, along with everything I ever wanted. Or maybe it was just a side effect of my health, and the fact that I was probably a psychologists dream right about now.

I started to suspect that it was my health when I still had to struggle to stay awake as I walked to my next class. If I was going to start being normal again, I would need to eat more. But it hurt to eat. Everything good reminded me of his taste, of his smell. And everything bad reminded me of how it must have tasted for him, made me think of the look on his face as he took a big bite of pizza. How do you eat when every bite makes you want to throw up, when it reminds you of how you shouldn't even be alive right now.

I sat down against a wall of lockers, unable to go any farther. Why would I even try to go on? Without him I'm dead. If he wants it to be like he never existed, then he won't mind if I was crushed under Tyler's van right now. And he wouldn't mind if I just laid down here in some filthy hallway and never got up. If I just quit.

My eyes snapped open as I felt something cold pressing against my hand.

"No, it's just me," said Matt with a grin, knowing exactly who I was looking for.

I looked down at the mountain dew code red in my hand. At least it wouldn't smell or taste like Edward.

Edward! I snapped back to awareness, remembering why I had to eat, why I couldn't just die, and it was sitting across from me. I was suddenly furious at myself, and struggled to get up. I had to get up. Get away from Matt before he saw some stupid vision! Before he remembered something that would screw up everything for Edward.

"Why was he so cold?" Matt asked, seeming honestly curious.

"Get away from me!"

"I have to get to class anyway. Just thought you might need a hand when I saw you trying to die in the hall way," he spat back. "I know none of us are him, but killing yourself will just keep you farther apart. We can find him, if you just give it some time."

"Maybe I don't want to give you any time to find him! Maybe you should just let me die." I emphasized each word, biting it off like they were each a new sentence. I heard Matt slumping to the ground, taking my spot on the floor, as I stalked off to class. I looked back as I went through the door to the stairwell, seeing Matt staring ahead with the same vacant eyes that looked back at me from the mirror every day.

**Author's note: I didn't manage to post two chapters today, sorry. In my defense, a ping pong table just appeared in my house. Any one have any ideas for Matt's past? I know why I think he's sitting there on that cold floor, but maybe I'm wrong. Tell me your ideas, maybe they should be in print instead of mine.**


	11. Lunch

Two more classes went by, and finally it was lunch. We were sectioned off in a cafeteria and an adjacent courtyard, with huge crowds of students everywhere. There was no place to sit and really be alone, no where to hide out of view. This seemed like the worst place possible to experiment with whether I could manage to eat. Any breakdowns would definitely illicit questions.

But the effects of the soda were starting to wear off, and I needed to at least be able to make it through the day. I got in line, and grabbed a container of french fries. The noise inside was overwhelming. In Forks, it had been a low buzz, while now I had to shout to the lady at the register to be heard over the din. After handing over a dollar that I found in my bag, I grabbed my prize and scurried for the exit. I weaved through the crowd in the courtyard, nearly dropping my fries as I stumbled on the cracks in the concrete. And the trash. And the air.

After maneuvering past those numerous obstacles, I made it to a gate that separates the lunchtime courtyard from the rest of the school. As I started to slip through, a woman who I vaguely recognized from the offices where I had picked up my schedule blocked my way.

"You can't leave the cafeteria area during lunch."

I looked past her, towards the leaf and garbage strewn walks. Some how it seemed perfectly appropriate that such a ridiculous and ineffective rule should be in effect. Just because I wanted to leave, they made a new rule.

"What if I need to go to the bathroom?"

"I can give you a pass," responded the strangely troll like woman.

"Ok," I said, turning away to look for an empty spot near by. Fortunately there was a pillar that I could lean against only a few feet away. I might be able to make it up to her to request a pass in time if my usual queasiness returned. As I sat down, someone detached themselves from a passing group.

I looked up relieved that it wasn't Matt coming to pry. Tim couldn't pry in my head at least.

"Hey Swan," he said.

"Hey," I wearily replied back. "Where's Matt?" I'd rarely seen them apart, and I didn't want to take any chances.

"Oh, he went off moping. He does that sometimes. Its really better to leave him alone when he's like this."

"How did he get out of lunch?"

"There's only a couple administrators here. I think you could manage to get out if you tried." I guess I had only tried the entrance I came in by, but I didn't really have the energy for protracted reconnaissance of the whole area. Still, my face flushed slightly at the condescension in his voice.

"Does he skip lunch often?" Maybe I could be safe here in the cafeteria.

"Matt? Ha, you must be kidding. He never misses a meal. Its almost like an obsession with him. Where ever he's hiding, he isn't missing lunch. He'll probably be back to normal tomorrow. These weird moods never last long."

"What are the moods like?" I started chewing a french fry, to cover my unease with Matt, and because I hoped the conversation would distract my stomach enough that it wouldn't notice what I was trying.

"He just gets distant, like he's not there. An empty look in his eye. And moody. Anyone who tries to touch him or mess with him really gets it. He's really short fused." Well, it seems that I had succeeded at one and failed at the other, as Tim didn't see how jumpy I was, but my stomach caught on to me anyhow.

I thought back to earlier, when I'd shouted at Matt. Apparently I'd put him in quite a mood. Maybe that would keep him away from me. Maybe that had finally done something to make Edward safe. Maybe I'd finally done something right for a change. I forced down another couple of french fries.

I couldn't help but think back to the look Matt had, so like my own. Was it really right to make another person feel like that? But he couldn't. He just got into moods. He's a weird kid after all. He hadn't been abandoned in a forest, left dead on the grass and leaves there.

The rest of the day past quickly, with me too smug about pissing of Matt enough that he avoided me to really notice how the rest of the day went.

No one was home when I finally walked in, just a note explaining that Phil was flying back in, and that my mother was going to go pick him up. I slumped into my bed to take a nap, though I don't know why I thought I would wake up in that condition. I slept a blissfully dreamless sleep until I started awake at around one o clock.

A gentle knock came from my covered window. I peeled back the newspaper to reveal the person I least wanted to see, ever.

"Can I come in?"

**Author's note: I think we all know the answer to that question.**


	12. At the window

"No," I responded, replacing the newspaper to cover the face of the person who was most likely to blow the Cullen's cover, to endanger Edward.

"I need to talk to you," Matt insisted.

"You need to get help. What the hell are you doing outside my house at one in the morning? Scratch that, how do you even know where I live?" I retorted angrily, my voice rising in pitch as I talked to a newspaper covered window.

"If you don't talk to me, I promise that I will be waiting outside each of your classes tomorrow. And that I will have recently managed to open some sort of cut in the back of my hand."

"Sorry my dislike has hurt your self esteem enough to make you start cutting yourself," I replied sarcastically. When did I become so mean? No, it was all to protect Edward. Anything for him.

"I think we both know who the cut would affect more, don't we?" My mind flashed back to blood typing in Forks, of Edward's rescue of me from Mike and the infirmary. I cringe at the memory, wishing he'd appear now, tires screeching on that immaculate silver volvo, and whisk me away like so many times before. But now it was me doing the saving, if I could. I sat down to hold my knees to my chest, just trying to keep myself together.

"What are you so worried about me finding out? And why do you think anyone would believe me?"

"Because they'd be true!"

"That never helped before, Bella. I wouldn't tell anyone."

But I knew that he would. That it didn't matter, that I couldn't take the chance. Not with Edward's life! I couldn't go on if something happened to him. I couldn't understand how the world would go on, if something happened to him, much less me keep living.

I heard a sigh from outside my window.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you, Bella. How old am I?" I found myself, incredibly, actually trying to remember.

"Seventeen?" I guessed. I didn't remember a lot from that day, but its on of the ages for the grade we're in, isn't it? Wait, I don't even know what grade he's in.

"Did I tell you seventeen? Good, that's usually what I use. I'm actually nineteen. I was held back a couple years."

"Too much cutting class?" I still sounded sarcastic, but I really was curious at this point. He didn't seem like someone who'd get held back, unless he really was never in school.

"You might say that. I was diagnosed with delusional schizophrenia, manic depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and insomnia the summer of my freshman year. I spent a year and a half in Ten Broak. Eventually I managed to get some semblance of a life back, but one thing I don't do is ever tell people the truth. You think I could go to school? The doctors tell people I heard voices, Bella. I'm crazy, I've got all the certificates to prove it. The truth got me in there. The truth messed up my life."

"Are you crazy?" I tried to think of what he was going for. Was he just trying to build up my trust? But I could find this stuff out, couldn't I? A look at his drivers license would suffice, for part of the story at least.

"Define crazy."

"Are you any of the things you were diagnosed with?"

"I was depressed, unable to sleep, and suffering from PTSD. Does that make me crazy?"

"I don't know." How could I get his wallet to check, to at least try to verify some of this. What was gong on here? I heard something being worked under the edge of my window.

"What are you doing?" I shouted, tearing down the newspaper. Halfway into my room was his drivers license. I pulled it the rest of the way, looked at his birthday, did a quick bit of subtraction.

"This says you're seventeen."

"Scratch at the year on my date of birth with your fingernail. It'll take a minute, I spent a lot of time on this."

After a minute of sanding, and a bunch of white powder under my nail, a new year was revealed, one two years before the other. If this was all a trick, it was incredibly elaborate.

"Now can I talk to you?"

I thought of doctors leaning over me, flash backs, nightmares that kept me awake. I thought of doctors leaning over me, then in hushed tones telling my father how I needed to be in a mental health facility. Of words like post traumatic stress disorder, depression, catatonic.

"Ok," I said, and began turning the handle to open the window.

**Author's note: I didn't mean for there to be any ambiguity in the last chapter about who was at the window. But I did like the enthusiasm for the, perceived, cliffy ending. So I might do those a lot in the future. Suggestions are appreciated. I'd love to hear what anyone says about my story. Where do you see this leading? If I like your idea, I'll write it for you. Or you could, and just post it yourself. Feel free to use anything I make.**


	13. Dinner Conversation

Eventually, after a lot of yanking at a crank in terrible need of some WD40, I managed to get the window open far enough for a fairly slim person to get inside. Matt managed to squeeze in, though it was a tight fit. When he finally got clear of the window, the sudden loss of friction threw him off balance, and he ended up having to catch himself on the dresser.

"I feel like that could have been done more gracefully," Matt said ruefully.

I sat back down, blinking back tears as I thought of the last person who had come climbing through my window.

"Yes, it could have," I whispered back.

"Sorry."

"Its ... never mind." I'd been about to reflexively say it was ok, but it wasn't. It would never be ok. It was either misery, or my memories of complete and utter happiness. Nothing after Edward could ever be so mundane as ok. "You said you wanted to talk, so talk."

"You need to eat more."

"Yeah, I know," I said, sighing again. "I'm working on that."

He'd turned and headed back to the window.

"Was that all you wanted to talk about?"

"No, I just feel eating is important." With that he reached out the window, and pulled back in a battered, gray blue backpack.

"What's that?"

"Some help," he said as he pulled out a thermos and some saltine crackers. "These are for you," he said as he shoved them towards me. I stared blankly at them for a moment, before realizing he was serious and taking them from his hands. By the weight, the thermos was filled with something. "And these are for me," Matt finished, pulling out a bag from some fast food restaurant that I didn't know. The grease from the food inside had rendered the paper transparent in several places, revealing foil wrapped sandwiches and lots of french fries.

I unscrewed the lid on the thermos, immediately having the smell of tomato soup waft out into my face.

"When I'm sick, I always have soup and saltines," offered Matt.

"I'm not sick."

"The idea's the same. You throw up foods that aren't very easy on the stomach. And you are sick. Just not physically."

I glanced up at him.

"Ok, some physically too," he said with a grin. Humor is the best medicine, right? No wonder I felt like keeling over.

"Well then, _doctor_, what do I have?"

"The obvious stuff? Depression. Flashbacks. Probably anorexia or bulimia."

"What's the less obvious stuff?"

"I don't know. I'd need to be a doctor, and have a lot more knowledge of patient history, to figure out all the subtleties. I mean, Jeez, who'd you end up like this?"

"How did you? You sound like you're crazier than I am."

We sat in silence for a minute, Matt eating a hamburger, me not eating the soup or crackers.

"How about this, you eat, I'll talk," he finally demanded. I felt a pang, remembering Edward's words to me in our italian restuarant, that night in Port Angeles. It was good that his method of asking was so distracting, in a gross sort of way, as he managed to say it around a whole mouthful of food. He'd packed it into his cheeks like some type of chipmunk, and was able to talk while still eating.

"I don't know..."

"Come on, I have to feel like I'm getting something for telling you this."

"Ok, but it better be worth it. And don't say I didn't warn you if I end up having to run out to the bathroom, throwing up, and wake up the rest of the house. How would you explain being here?"

"I'd turn invisible." I looked at him, unsure whether he could actually do it. "Or just hide under the bed. One of the two."

"Okay then, if you're not worried, tell me," I said, and I took a big gulp of the soup to emphasize the point. My stomach protested immediately, but not like it had earlier. I just felt like it was twisted into some painful knot, instead of feeling like it was actually being burned away.

"Where do you start, telling your life story?" mused Matt.

"Especially if you already told some," I reminded him.

"True. I guess, we can pick up back when I was normal. I mean, I was never the most normal, top of the class, divorced parents, dedicated more to baseball than anything else. What?"

"Nothing, you just don't look like the jock type." Apparently he'd caught me appraising him. He really didn't. The muscle on him seemed like the minimum to not be considered unhealthy, but far from physically fit.

"Hey, Satchel Paige was nothing but skin and bones and a mouth too. Baseball is about mechanics anyway. I used to practice it for hours. At least a hundred swings of the bat. At least a hundred pitches. Usually more. Every day, except for games. Just me, in my back yard. I had a pitching machine so that I could hit on my own, and a tire to serve as a strike zone. Every day I was out there. All my friends were either from school or from baseball. Then one day, she wandered down the alley. She'd watch me some times, and eventually we started talking to each other. I swore she was short, though she always said that she was normal height. Skinny, though not as skinny as me, dirty blonde hair, pale skin. Eileen Alexandra Halley."

**Author's note: Anyone notice that I didn't update when I usually do? I'll try to get back to it. For something that I will be working on later, does anyone know a lot about the American southwest, or Mexico? I will probably want some first hand accounts to use, and I haven't been in that area in years. Any help would be appreciated.**

**Part of the dialogue was changed after books and bojangles caught a mistake. Thank you, B&B.**


	14. Eileen

"We met when we were ten years old. I think she was my first real friend. All the others sort of faded away when I stopped playing baseball and started talking to her more in middle school. No one tried to really keep any of the connections open," Matt said with a far off look in his eye. I'd seen it before, but usually in people much older than nineteen.

"Why'd you quit playing baseball? You seemed pretty dedicated." A hundred pitches and swings every night? That seems like a lot now, how much must it have been as a little kid?

"I just realized one day, that it was just a game. Nothing I did on the baseball field, none of it was ever really gonna matter, you know? I decided that I wanted to do something with my life, make a difference in the world. Seems noble enough, right?" he said, glancing at me for confirmation.

I nodded, thinking that he was right, though it felt like another shoe was going to drop.

"Really I was just afraid of being forgotten. I'd live my life, and when I was done, no one would have any idea who Matthew Sanders was. It'd be like I never existed. So I wanted to be great, wanted to do grand things in the world. The only thing that kept me even a little grounded in normal life was Dexy. That's what we called Eileen at school. After the song, you know?" he hummed a few lines, while playing some sort of air instrument. Was that supposed to be a violin? He was somewhere else again. "Eileen seemed too old a name for some one who was so alive."

Was so alive? Poor Matt, his only friend.

"What happened to her?"

"She killed herself," he said, his eyes now looking empty, not looking into anything. Only a shell sitting before me. His thinness suddenly made him seem as if he was only a wisp of a person, as if a sudden wind and he'd be gone, like smoke hovering around a candle.

"She'd had a rough life. Her family moved around a lot when she was younger. The place she'd stayed before, with her uncle, he'd get drunk and beat her. And her other family knew and they didn't defend her. They didn't save her. Why wouldn't they save her?" he pleaded, shrilly. I saw him jerk suddenly, as if he was watching the whole thing, and or as if he'd been struck. I suddenly noticed the tears running down his face. He drew his knees up into his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He didn't speak for a while. He just shook, completely silent, as he cried.

"But then she moved in down the street from me," his voice caught me off guard, startling me as he talked into his knees, "with her mother and father and brother, and they were going to be a family and be happy. It was a new start. Her life would be happy and good and normal. We became good friends. Best friends. And we were so close, it was like I could feel what she was feeling, could know what she was thinking. So when she started to have feelings for me, I knew. I knew before she did. And it seemed so right, to hold her, comfort her. To kiss her and just feel her pressed against me. Like I had found my other half. Like I could never be happier. That must have been summer of eighth grade."

"Then, in freshman year of high school, her family started having issues. Her mom moved out for a while, then moved back in. And her _uncle,_" he said the word with such hate that it frightened me, like he might have killed the man if he were there, "moved in too. Everyone pretended they were normal, that they were ok, but I knew they weren't. The tension and pain in the house was like heat and humidity in the air, I could just feel it when I walked in, it slammed into you, like running into a wall."

"One weekend during the summer, my father wanted to take a family vacation. I didn't want to go. I could tell it would be bad. I could feel it, and when Dexy looked at me, it was like everything in her screamed at me that she needed me to stay." He was quiet again for a minute, but this time he straightened to finish the story. "But I didn't stay. I went on the vacation, because it was just a feeling, right? And it was just a feeling when I started wanting to see the sky line from high up. And it was just a feeling when I started putting my head out the car window because I just had to feel the air rushing past me. And when I just started screaming in pain at dinner that day, falling to the floor in the middle of that restaurant, it was just a feeling."

"I feel it every time I sleep, the wind rushing through my hair. I see the horizon, lights twinkling against the dark purple. The ground rushes up to me, and I feel the pain as my ankles snap and are shoved into me, as more bones farther up are crushed, then I feel it all end. And it starts again. Standing on the edge of that tower, no one even sure how she managed to get up there. The wind ruffling my hair. And then just taking a step, and falling. Over and over. Its been five years. I don't even wake up any more. And the worst is at the end, when I just feel such relief, such contentment."

"When I saw her face, it was so happy, so at peace. It'd looked just like that when she fell asleep on me, watching movies or on a car ride or just laying around during that summer."

"And with her gone, I realized that the feelings I had, were I just knew what to do to make her happy, or defuse the situation, or whatever, that they worked with everything. I'd just been so focused on Dexy that I only noticed it with her."

His eyes suddenly snap into focus, whirling up to lock on mine. "And now you walk in, plainly messed up, and I start feeling like I need to throw up, like I shouldn't eat. Like there's no reason to go on. And I get an urge to see what all the different pills in the cabinet taste like, how they make me feel. Just like I felt with her. And I feel like maybe I can get some sort of redemption, so peace from my dreams, if I can just help you.

"And I listen to my feelings. Ever since five years ago, I listen to all my feelings."


	15. Planning

I realized I was crying. Not sobbing, crumpled up like when I thought of him, of Edward, but just as if I had to after listening to the story. As if life moved on, but you needed to cry at the same time.

"What did you do?" I asked Matt quietly.

"What do mean?"

"How did you get over it? How did you move on and manage to live with it?" I was almost gasping now, getting too close to the idea of losing Edward forever. Like Matt had lost her.

He looked at me, suddenly angry. His voice raised, that sort of stupid shouting whisper that we all do when we need to be passionate about whatever were talking about but still keep quiet, "I _never _got over it! Did you not listen to me? Every time I sleep I wake up seeing her face. When I walk through that school, where we took that freshman year, that stupid fucking year! I see her every where. I go sit in the lot where her house used to be, I know the exact spot where her bed was, and I sleep at the foot of it, probably half the nights I sleep at all. I will never, ever get over her!"

"Then what should I do? He..." my voice trailed off, and I started to fall, down into a forest floor, but someone caught me this time.

"He left, I know," said Matt in a soothing voice. I realized I must still be in my room, though the flashback didn't fade. He set me back up, onto a clear spot in the path, as if he could see it to.

"But we're going to find him, and show him that he was wrong, what ever it was that made him think he needed to leave. He isn't dead, and they tell me that while there's life, there's hope."

"Who are they?" I said with a rueful laugh.

"I don't know, but I think they might be right. I got a good feeling about it."

"So what now?"

"Now we start planning. What do we need. We need to find him."

"Or his family," I offered quickly, thinking of Alice. We just had to find her, and she could tell me where he was. I'd make her tell me if I had to! I didn't know how, but I would.

"Alright, him or his family. We need a way to get to them, so that means money."

"I have some." I never really got to spend the college fund, since Edward paid for almost everything while we were together.

"Money's not an issue. I've got plenty. I do rather well at the poker tables," Matt said with a smile.

"Don't you have to be twenty one to gamble?"

"The parimutuels let you in at eighteen in Florida."

"Parimutuels?"

"Dog tracks. Poker rooms. Horse racing. Everything but the big casinos. But we're getting off track. What else do we need?"

"We need... we need for..." for me to be better. For him to love me.

"Right, we need to convince him he was wrong," cut in Matt. "I'll start looking into this stuff at school tomorrow. Show up at the media center first period if you want to help. Now I think I should go."

I glanced at the clock, expecting time to have flown or something. Its red numbers said it was only approaching two.

"Why not start now?"

"I really think I should go, and that you should fix your room to look like you were asleep."

"Is my mom coming?"

"I don't know. She must be, why else would I have to get out of here?" He rushed to the window, getting out of it much quicker than he'd gotten in, and I closed it, sealing myself behind the newspaper shield that stood guard on all my windows

I hadn't been in bed for more than fifteen minutes when I heard the knob on my door click as it turned. I heard Renee softly enter my room, standing over my "sleeping" form. I heard her crying softly as she looked at me, and almost turn to her, but it wouldn't have helped. It was bad enough that she had a depressed anorexic daughter. No need to let her know about the insomnia too.

At school, I didn't even bother heading towards my first period class. I didn't care about grades or attendance. Only one thing mattered. So I went to the media center. Past a couple shelves of books, I found several computer terminals, one of which was occupied by a scrawny figure that was also laying out cards. He snatched them up as he heard footsteps approaching, turning to look.

"Good, you're here. Start searching for any trace of them online."

"How?"

"Google, the same way you find anyone else."

"What are you going to be doing?" I asked as he turn and began scrolling through a giant map of the earth.

"I'm waiting for inspiration to strike," he said as he scrolled west over the Gulf of Mexico.

After six hours of searching, with no sign of any of the Cullens, not even a young award winning doctor that fit Carlisle's description, I was ready to give up.

"This isn't working," I said, turning to Matt in exasperation.

"You're right," said Matt. "I had hoped it wouldn't come to this."

"Come to what?"

"Go pack. We're heading for the airport."

**Author's Note: Two things of note. For this chapter, asking certain questions will elicit an answer that could take the form of an outtake, but I won't tell you what questions. Secondly, a friend of mine got an account on this site just to read and comment on my stories. I told her that she should write a story, and everyone should PM 18forks to tell her the same things. /u/1593958/ is her account.**


	16. Leaving

"The airport?" my mind flashed back to my first year in Forks. To running for the airport, leaving behind everything that was important to me. Leaving behind him. "Where are we going?"

"Oh, I'll know when we get there," Matt said confidently.

"Renee will never let me go."

"Oh, don't worry. We'll have plenty of time to get a head start. We''ll leave tomorrow instead of going to school. I'll pick you up."

I couldn't do that to Renee could I? I'd hurt her so much already, just forcing her to watch me every day, to see how much her daughter hurt and how little she could do. She'd think I was dead, I knew she would.

"We're already dead," whispered Matt, "maybe we can come back afterwards. When everything is better. When we find him. Shouldn't she see you like that?"

I grasped onto that straw, hoping that I could fix all this when I got back. When I got back I would find a way to repay all the pain I'd inflicted on those I love. If I could just find him. If I could just have him back. If I could just be good enough.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have...I should have known not to mention certain things to you."

I realized that I was on the floor. Matt was already lifting me up.

"Come on, we have to make it through today day. Tomorrow our search really starts."

I stumbled into the house, entirely out of energy, having spent every day trying not to live in my own head, trying not to think. It was just like that game, the one where if you thought about it, you lost. How do you try not to think of something?

"How was your day, Bella?" asked Renee, staying out of hugging distance. She looked worried, and apparently remembered the last time she'd tried to comfort me.

"It was ok," I said. Then I ran to her and threw my arms around her, holding on to her and crying. "I'm sorry mom. I'm so sorry." I repeated myself over and over again, not really sure if she heard any of it, but she must have heard something, because I felt her arms coming up to hold me, rocking me comfortingly.

"I'm sorry, mom," I said, pulling back and laughing slightly. The tone made it apparent that it was a different, more frivolous, apology, for the tears on her shirt rather than for all the pain.

"It's ok, Bella. So how was your day?" she said, really smiling for the first time since I'd gotten to Jacksonville. I felt a pang of guilt, for lulling her into this false sense of security, this lying happiness just to run off and leave her as, he left me, but I had to do it. I couldn't not go. I had to try, or I wasn't going to keep living.

"It was actually pretty good I guess. We got assigned a group project in history class."

"Oh, what was that about?" History was never Renee's strong suit, but then again, school never had been, and she could throw her self into anything with such enthusiasm.

"About Andrew Jackson's presidency," I replied calmly. Lying about something so unimportant was much easier after all the other lies, about being alive, about not trying to hurt myself, after saying I'd eat, that I cared at all.

"Can I help?" Renee offered brightly. "I really haven't been able to sit down with you and do anything since we got back."

"I've only been here a few days, mom," and as I said it, I was shocked. Had it really only been a few days ago that they'd torn me away from the remnants of the only home I'd ever had, since they'd dragged me from even my memories of him? "but you can help. One of the people in my group is actually coming by to pick all of us up early for school so that we can go work on it before class tomorrow morning."

This actually seemed to give her more confidence, that it was the right choice to bring me back to Jacksonville, as we researched and talked. We told each other about our day, hers cheerful and true, mine nothing but lies. I wanted to just stand up and shout at her, tell her that she had no right to take me away, to try to make me forget him, but she just wanted me to be happier. It was all my fault, all these people hurt, lied to, tearing apart their lives just because I wasn't good enough for Edward, for anything. I only held on repeating to myself that tomorrow I would leave, one final pain and then I would never hurt them again. One last break, before they could just forget and move on. Like they deserved. A chance for a normal life.

I packed, putting in a few changes of clothes and my ID in my backpack. I didn't have any cold weather gear or clothes for different climates. I didn't really have much of anything, all left behind in Forks, waiting for him.

I snapped awake, screaming from some nightmare, though for once I couldn't remember it. I caught flashes of Edward as I tried to grasp onto the dream, but it slipped away as surely as the real thing had.

"Bella! Are you alright?" said Renee, bursting into the room.

"Sorry, just a nightmare," I whispered into her chest as she cradled me.

"It's ok. You need to get up anyhow."

The dream was gone. I was wide awake now, remembering what today would bring.

"You're right, mom, I need to get ready."

As she left I threw on some clothes, and grabbed my bag. Breakfast and brushing my teeth never went faster, though my stomach protested and I knew I'd regret it later. I suddenly realized that we'd never agreed on a time for him to come pick me up, but as I was just resigning myself to a long wait, a car the color of a raisin pulled into my driveway.

"Bye mom!" I called as I raced out the door.

As I threw myself into the car, I realized with amazement that I hadn't tripped or other wise injured myself in almost twenty four hours, though that thought was accompanied by my ankle smacking into the car.

"Buckle up," offered Matt, and he threw the car into gear. We flew down the street, just like they drive, but without knowing that the driver was indestructible and could move faster than the car on foot anyhow. Cars and buildings were a blur, as I watched the speedometer climb to eighty as we drove through the middle of a major city!

"Are you crazy?" I screeched.

I was greeted with maniacal laughter, and in a few minutes we pulled up at Jacksonville International Airport. Matt pulled into short term parking. I didn't see him put the keys into his pocket or lock the door as we gathered our bags and started walking away.

"Are you going to just leave the keys in the ignition?" I asked, wondering just how much money he had.

"Keys?"

"Shiny, you use them to start a car."

"That also fits the description of the wires I used to hotwire it, you know."

"You STOLE that car?"

"Well, I was in a hurry," he said sheepishly. As if people in a rush just routinely broke into automobiles and sped down city streets to go find a family of vampires, and that it was only mildly rude to have used a stolen vehicle to do it.

"You realize that my father is a police officer don't you?"

"You realize that insanity is a defense. Where are we going anyhow?"

**Author's Note: Wait a minute, where are they going? I haven't actually picked yet, so if anyone would like to make a case for the story going to a particular location, I will certainly listen. Perhaps we should have some sort of vote. On another note, Sir Spamalot can have any outtake I ever offered as a prize in any section of this story, because _she_ actually did tell 18forks to write a story. So pick your prize. And I would like to apologize to Books and Bojangles who has recently been so foolish as to become my beta. I posted this without sending it to her to look at first, and I didn't say thanks for looking over the previous chapter before it was posted. So sorry and thank you.**


	17. JAX

"I thought you were going to be inspired!" Did I do all this for nothing? Was I hurting Renee, not to mention risking arrest, all for some deluded dream? He was crazy after all. Why was I so stupid to trust him?

"I always like to get a second opinion. It's not like I'm infallible, you know. Let's go see what's flying out, maybe something will catch one of our eyes." We set off, me suddenly doubtful that this whole endeavor would get off the ground.

"Oh here," said Matt, holding out a roll of bills for me.

"What's this?"

"In case we get separated. It's 1565. It should get you anywhere you might need to go." Well, at least he was confident that we'd get somewhere. I stuffed the money into the pocket of my jeans.

"Thank you."

"No problem," he muttered, his eyes taking in the rows of monitors that displayed the inbound and outbound flights. I scanned through, noting that there were several flights to Phoenix, but only two to Seattle.

I heard Matt humming beside me, and felt my mind start to wander towards the familiar voice that used to hum in my ear, when he shouted "Perfect!"

"You found something?"

"I found a flight I like, and it even leaves us time to eat."

"I already ate," I said, thinking of the toast that was sitting so uneasily in my stomach. It was a wonder that I hadn't thrown it up during the drive here.

"Yeah, but I only had a little to eat. I spent most of the morning liberating us ride."

"It took you a long time? I thought you said you were in a hurry."

"Well, I try to add a little extra to anything I do, but look! Burger King's open!" With that joyous exclamation he scurried towards the counter.

"I'd like a whopper value meal, with only mustard, pickles, and onion on the whopper, no cheese."

"Is that all," asked the bored looking man behind the counter. One wonders what grave sin he must have committed in a past life to e sentenced to working in a miniature fast food joint on the early morning shift.

"No, I'd also like another whopper the same way," continued Matt brightly, "and a spicy chicken sandwich and some chicken tenders with barbecue sauce."

"That will be 8.86," said the man at the counter, in a tone and enthusiasm Matt's total opposite. Matt didn't seem concerned, offering up a card of some kind, grabbing his purchases, and then whirling back towards where I was standing against a wall.

"Come on! To the ticket counter!"

"What are you so happy about?" I finally snapped, speaking, I am certain, for everyone else in the airport at that hour.

"What's not to be happy about? I have a bunch of food. I love air travel. I'm getting out this stupid town. And I'm reuniting star crossed lovers. I think my cheerfulness is justified." When he put it like that, he really did seem to have it made. Now all he had to do was...

"Now all I have to do is figure out where Edward went wrong," he announced, interrupting my train of thought.

"What might have caused him to feel like it was in your best interest to not have him around?"

"Maybe it was in his interest," I said sadly, not thinking, not existing, just being empty.

"Wow, you seem very Zen," Matt retorted. "Unhelpful, but Zen. I'll tell you what I think then. I think he had some terrible secret, that endangered your life by just having him around."

If only he knew. All those time when Edward had said how I shouldn't even be his friend, that he was a monster. How could he ever think that about himself when he was so perfect, so beautiful?

"Maybe," continued Matt, "he was in the witness protection program, which would explain why we couldn't find any trace of him online. But it wouldn't explain why he was so cold, would it? Hmmm."

Matt was quiet as he strolled up to the ticket counter. "Two for flight 1411," he said, prompting a flurry of paperwork, ID showing, and credit card swiping. When we finished, we sat down on some benches by security.

"He wasn't human, was he?" asked Matt.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, thinking of his face, my beautiful Edward, so wonderful, but so certain of his own damnation.

"He was human! He was perfect," I said with more force than I knew I had in me right then.

"Will you please tell me what happened then, right before he left?"

"Can I tell you after I get some rest? I just can't think right now." At least the excuse was true. I couldn't think, and I was incredibly tired.

"Sure," said Matt. "We've got an entire plane ride. No argument has ever taken me that long to rebut. I'll wake you up when we need to go through security."

I laid down, using my bag as a pillow. As I shut my eyes I heard Matt resume humming that same song.

**Author's note: It's my kind of town.**


	18. Now Boarding

_I saw Renee sobbing, with Phil holding her. After a moment, I noticed that Charlie was there too, being comforted by Billy Black, who looked fairly distressed himself. Everyone wore black, and stood near a large, long hole in the ground as a slow rain fell. A man in the robes of a priest stood near a beautiful reddish brown casket, which had a large wreath on it, made up mostly of lavender and freesia. I wondered what they were waiting for to start. I hadn't made any great, life long friends in my time in Forks. Maybe Angela, but I wouldn't want her to have to go through this anyhow. She would much prefer to mourn and be comforted privately._

_As I watched, a black Mercedes pulled up in the distance, and I saw Carlisle get out. He went to the passenger door, helping Esme out of the car as if she were made of glass. She moved like it too, slowly, as if every step was agony. Jasper eventually exited out of the back door on the driver's side, and Alice followed him out. It was as if a light had been extinguished, how different she seemed. None of the energy was there, and twice on the way towards the rest of the crowd, she simply stopped, motionless until Jasper held her and whispered something too low for the others to catch._

_A few minutes behind them, Emmett's jeep pulled into the two spaces right by Carlisle's vehicle. A very red eyed Rosalie exited from one side, as Emmett climbed down from the other. He seemed somehow smaller, a caricature in miniature of the person I had once known. And Rose, even more beautiful than before. Whereas she had once had a flawless, unmarred beauty, the grief seemed to humanize her. Laying her low, yet somehow making her more beautiful than anything I had ever laid eyes on. I knew that my memory must have been false, for I remember that Edward and she were of near equal beauty, yet I had not remembered him comparable to this. I waited for him to emerge, to see what I had failed to properly capture despite every ounce of willpower and focus I possessed. Emmett and Rose joined the group, and I realized that he wasn't in the jeep. The priest cleared his throat, and I realized that no silver streak was about to materialize in the parking lot, that I would not get this one more chance to see the contrast of the black of his tux against his perfect skin. That he wasn't coming. Even in death I couldn't hold his attention._

_As the priest began to speak, I looked over the tomb stone, listing my birthday, and a day only a few weeks distant, that must have been my death. The inscription said how if any here knew love, they knew it from you, and it was signed from your loving sister._

_Sister? I don't have a sister. My eyes flashed down to the name, that I had neglected: EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN._

"NO!" I shouted, snapping awake. I felt the tears running down my cheeks.

"Ok, we don't have to go now if you don't want to," offered a startled looking Matt. He was leaning away from me, one arm up as if shielding himself from some attack that he expected from my direction.

"Sorry," I said, feeling the shaking starting to subside, and quickly drying my tears. I'd done it so often lately, I wondered how much a person could cry before they got dehydrated. "We can go now."

"Onward to security," Matt said, flourishing his bag towards the line of x ray machines and metal detectors. We made our way through easily enough, though Matt's bag did get a rather long look.

"What are they looking at?"

"My lock picks."

"Can you take those on an airplane? What would you need lock picks for?"

"You can take them on an airplane. And they're for breaking and entering."

"What?!"

"Oh, calm down, you just drove here fifty miles per hour over the speed limit in a stolen vehicle. You're in no position to act all high and mighty. Plus, it's all for a good cause."

I glowered at him as we finally made it through and began walking to our gate.

"So where are we going?" I asked Matt.

"Gate 35."

"What _city_?" I said, stressing the word with annoyance.

"Oh, Chicago," he said flippantly. I thought of the first time in the Cullen's house, with Edward relating the story of his change to me. How he'd nearly died there, until Carlisle had found him and saved him. The idea of him lying there, crippled by influenza, nearly sent me back into my dream from earlier, but I managed to fight it off by quickly talking.

"Why Chicago?"

"It felt right. Lots of connecting flights. It's cold. It's important somehow. Plus, I always wanted to go to Chicago. Ever since I saw the Blues Brothers."

"The what?"

"The Blues Brothers. Its only the best movie musical of all time. So what's the story of Edward, why did he leave?"

Good lord, do all crazy peoples' minds jump around like that? I stumbled in my walk, nearly falling again at the thought of those last few days with Edward.

"Ticket, please," offered the cheerful woman in front of the gate.

I sighed as we took are seats, a much too cheerful looking Matt seated by the window, with me in the middle seat of the three on our side.

"I suppose I said I'd tell you now?" I said, trying to keep myself from shaking at the thought of it. Of all the memories, and what they'd do to me.

"Yep," he said. "And if you don't, I'll prick my finger once we're airborne."

What a wonderful flight this was shaping up to be.

**Author's note: The song from last chapter was My Kind of Town. So, I think I should do more dream sequences in the future. Agree? Disagree? Thanks to Books and Bojangles for Betaing, and today is brought to you by the letter B.**


	19. Cruising Altitude

I'd never been this nervous before a flight before, but I knew it wasn't because of a fear of flying. I couldn't shake the memory of the dream that I had that first night after meeting Matt, Edward staring at me with accusing eyes, so full of pain. Watching those terrible things happen to people I loved, and more importantly, that he loved. Should I really tell their secret? Surely it was better that I die than to risk any pain for him? I had caused enough trouble as it was.

But it seemed like I could tell Matt. Who would believe him, if he wasn't trustworthy? He was crazy, and a felon at this point. I could say I have no idea what he's talking about, and surely my word against his would win, right? And I needed the help. And I needed to talk to someone, just to tell them about him and have the person tell me that I hadn't dreamed the whole thing, that Edward was real.

The plane started vibrating as it accelerated for take off. I shut my eyes, leaning back into my fully upright seat.

"So, want to start telling me your story yet?" said a currently out of view Matt.

I turned to look at him, sighing, "Can't we talk after we get to cruising altitude? Won't I get interrupted by the safety briefing and the seatbelt lights and other stuff?"

"Nah, it's much better to get the biggest, most shocking things out of the way now, so that I have the whole safety briefing to digest it."

If I had to do it, did I want to keep putting it off? I should just get it over with. I took a deep breath, as we started leveling off.

"Edward is a vampire," I said quickly.

"What?" said Matt.

"He's a vampire."

I watched the flight attendant step up to the middle of the aisle with an oxygen mask and a pamphlet, while Matt sat quietly beside me.

"A vampire, huh? That's pretty cool."

I turned to look at him. He seemed completely serious. Then he broke into a sarcastic grin.

"Provided he doesn't eat you."

I spent the rest of the safety briefing glaring at him, while he stared intently past me. It must have been an enthralling set of precautions.

"You know, all the effort that they put into that, the least you could do is listen," he said pointedly, as the presentation wrapped up.

"And you could not make fun of me! I'm not the one who's crazy," I hissed back.

He lowered his voice, so that no one would have been able to hear us in the third seat, had there been anyone in it, "So what does it mean that he's a vampire?"

"What do you mean?"

"Does he have any fun super powers? He drinks blood of course. Immortal? Allergic to sunlight and garlic? What sets a vampire apart from the run of the mill crazy, like myself?"

"They're perfect," I whispered thinking of Edward, how he moved, how he smelled, everything about him. "They're beautiful, and incredibly strong and fast. And so graceful, its like they're in some sort of dance, and the rest of us are just cluttering up the floor. They live forever, unless they get killed." I shuddered thinking of my run in with non vegetarian vampires, of Edward rushing in at the last second, my guardian angel, always in the nick of time. Of his promises afterwards, to stay with me forever.

"Why you?" Matt asked, holding out a handkerchief. Through my surprise at seeing something so old fashion, I realize that I'm crying, silent tears that no one should have to notice.

"Sorry," I say, taking the offered cloth. "I guess it was my smell."

"Your smell?" Matt leaned, in taking a sniff, "You do smell nice, I never noticed before."

I shoved him away, angry at the violation of my personal space.

"So who cares about your smell?"

"Apparently to Edward I smell incredibly appetizing. He said that I was like the finest cognac to a recovering alcoholic, or heroin to an addict."

"Wow. And he didn't just kill you?"

"No! Edward would never do anything like that. His family only eats animals"

"I don't know how familiar you are with addiction, but his self control must be incredible."

I thought back to all the times we kissed, he held me close. How I couldn't even remember to breath, how my heart would stop just from him touching me. He was always in good enough control to remember his gentlemanly boundaries.

"He never seemed to have as much trouble as me."

"I see why he would leave though. I mean, have you ever known anyone who was addicted to heroin? Or even an alcoholic?"

I shook my head.

"You know what its like, you just don't realize it. I've only ever felt it second hand. Having someone clinging to you, terrified, because they got handed a glass of champaign for a toast. To see someone shaking, in pain, screaming for you to just kill them, because it would be easier than not having their fix, not having whatever it was they were addicted to. Whatever it was they needed." He was far away again, but he shook his head and seeming to snap himself out of it.

"I must say, I like him already. And that's a lot, coming from me."

"Thanks."

"But I can still see why he would leave. He could kill you, couldn't he?"

"He never would!"

"How could you ever be sure?"

"Because he loves me!" I shouted angrily. Heads snapped around in the plane, and I slouched down as low as my seat would allow. I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks.

"Awww, aren't you so cute?" said a laughing Matt, reaching out to pinch my cheek like some demented grandparent.

"Stop that," I said, smacking his hand away as he curled up from laughing so hard.

"Sorry," he finally said when he'd managed to get himself under control again. "That must have been one whirl wind romance though."

"It was," I said, actually smiling, thinking of Edward slipping into my room late at night. Of lullabies and beautifully romantic notes. I told him about the whole year. Every doubt when I first met him, that look of hatred and him disappearing. Every time Edward would just stop my heart with a look. I told him about the meadow, and about James, and Edward's family.

Then I told him about the birthday party, about Jasper's and my mishap, about how he grew so distant after that. How he told me he didn't love me any more, how he would take himself out of my life as if he'd never existed

"And he left me there in the woods, with nothing. He took the notes and the pictures and the music. Everything," I finished, sobbing.

"Oh, Bella," offered Matt enthusiastically. He grabbed me in the best approximation for one of Emmett's bear hugs I've ever felt. If we hadn't been in a plane, I feel like he would have spun me around. "This is going to be even easier than I thought!"

**Author's note: Look people, I write how Matt lives his life: lots of mood swings, a healthy helping of angst, and following your impulses. So I honestly have no idea when Edward is going to show up again. Throw me some ideas, and if any _feel_ like a good one, maybe it will make Edward come back quicker. Hurray to Books and Bojangles, our wonderful Beta. Today it appears that I am multiple people, or perhaps that is a royal we.**


	20. Drinks

"He loves you. This is going to be so easy to convince him he was wrong to leave." Matt was practically bouncing in his seat. "I can't wait for the plane to land."

I wished I could share his confidence that this would be so easy.

"So they have to stick to cloudier areas, stay out of the sun? And they have friends, another coven, in Denali, Alaska? We just need to find out what airport to fly to. And O'Hare connects to, jeez, the whole of western civilization. Plus Chicago pizza is awesome! We're going to stop and go get some pizza first, we'll have time before the next flight." This obsession with food was right up there with Alice's obsession of shopping for things that were going to annoy me to death. I wasn't in any mood to wait, if we had a chance to go find Edward, we needed to go now.

As drinks were being brought around, he was practically vibrating with giddiness.

"Thirsty?" I asked.

"Just pent up nervous energy."

"Would you like anything to drink?" asked the stewardess.

"I'll have a coke and a spicy hot V8," Matt responded.

"Alright. Would you care for anything?"

"I guess I'll have a coke, too."

In just a moment, we each had our incredibly small glasses of coke and ice in front of us, plus Matt had the V8 he'd requested also. The second attendant on the cart gave us both bags of honey roasted peanuts.

"Oh, can I have an extra bag?" Matt asked.

I second bag was passed over me.

"Didn't you just have the entire Burger King at the airport?"

"I've got a high metabolism. Be jealous. Unless we get stranded on a desert island, in which case, I'll be the first to go."

"Well, you have fun with that. In fact, take mine too," I said shoving my bag towards him.

"No, you eat yours. You need it more than I need any of the food I've ever eaten."

I don't know why I was in such a bad mood. I just felt like everything was somehow going to come crashing down all over again.

"Says who? Your feelings? Those tarot cards?"

"Edward will," he shot back.

"I..." I felt everything start to fall, my mind beginning to fold back in on itself, as it usually did when I thought of him to vividly. This time though, I managed to fight it back, clinging to some desperate hope, and the fact that I'd just been thinking about him and talking about him for the past half an hour or something any way. "That was a low blow," I finally finished.

"It isn't like you don't think about him every second of the day anyhow." I realized he was right. Edward was everything, and every thought and feeling and breathe, how would I have ever tried to pretend it was any different?

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Don't worry, I know exactly what you mean," he said, looking sadly over me towards the empty seat. I thought about his loss, how he didn't even have the hope of ever seeing her again in this world.

"Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

"What?" said Matt. "I never took you for the religious type."

"I'm not, I just thought that line was pretty. And it seemed right for you."

"We'll always have that, I guess. Our foolish love to hold onto."

I saw him pull out that deck of tarot cards again. He shuffled, over and over, his hands hardly seeming to move as the cards flew into each other and separated again. Finally, he dealt out a set of cards, just three cards.

"Let's see what they say now." He'd dealt them face down this time. He flipped up the first card, revealing a five of swords. He looked at it in confusion. Next was a page of wands, and lastly an ace of cups.

He stared at them, looking very perplexed.

"What is it?" I asked.

"They don't mean what they usually mean. Usually, the five there would mean failure in the past, the page would mean some sort of message, I think, in the present, and the ace of cups would be love, joy, rainbows and puppies. They sorta mean that, but they also are something much simpler this time. Five swords, five dark, dangerous things. And a cup," he said, gesturing towards the soda that had been set in front of him. "Something you drink out of."

"So?"

"Let me rephrase: a cup, something you drink out of, if you are human."


	21. O'Hare

"And in between the two is my card."

"What?"

"It's teams. Five of them," he said, pointing at the five of swords. "Me," he said pointing at the page of wands, "though it's been a long time since I got that card. And you," he said, pointing to the ace of cups, "the one some people would like to drink."

I felt myself blush at the mention of my particularly appetizing smell.

"Maybe it just means the Cullens," I offered. "Take out one couple and you have five."

"I don't think so. It feels like trouble. Plus, better to be cautious. If it's the Cullens, won't you recognize them? If it isn't, our only chance is to be far enough away to run without them seeing us. I mean, you said they move so fast you can't even see them? That they can lift cars with one hand? No, we better see them first."

"How are we going to do that? They have better eyes and ears and everything."

"Well, I guess we'll either have to have a really good plan, or be really lucky. Or both would be even better."

He wanted luck? There was no way we were going to get out of this alive. It was some of the best luck I'd had in ages that the plane hadn't already been sucked into some inexplicable black hole or been destroyed by some other fiery means.

"Oh cheer up. Maybe it'll be sunny when we land. Then we just have to run outside."

We'd finally come up with a plan, after spending fifteen minutes going over what we thought we could do to shake a vampiric tail. I'd decided to try and sleep till our flight got to the ground, but really just shut my eyes and rested. I heard a ding from the panel above me.

"Yes sir?" I heard whispered from the aisle.

"Could I have a couple more packs of peanuts?" Matt asked over my supposedly sleeping form.

"Certainly." I heard footsteps retreating to the back of the plane, then returning, before I felt something pass over me.

A few minutes later, the captain announced that we were landing at O'Hare international, where the local temperature was eighteen degrees Fahrenheit. I shuddered. This was supposed to be the windy city, too, and that was without the wind chill. I saw Matt doing the same thing next to me and was glad that I wasn't the only one.

"Ok, remember the plan?" asked Matt. I'd follow the crowd to the luggage carousel, swipe the first large, unattended suitcase I could grab, and head for the most crowded door on that level. He would go find some sort of transportation and meet me at the curb in fifteen minutes from when we got separated. Stay in public, if you see any vampires, pray they are the Cullens or run for sunlight.

"Yeah," I answered as people began to finally move ahead of us.

"Then let's do this thing," Matt shouted enthusiastically. Heads turned to look at us. I pretend like I don't know him, but I think people can tell I'm trying to melt into the ground. We finally get out of the plane, dodging around people quickly in the walkway that connects the plane and the terminal. We stay in the crowd, trying to keep out of view as we ride the airport's monorail to some where that we can make our break for it.

"Okay, this stop will work," says Matt, pushing me towards the exit. Once out I see arrows pointing one way directing to a garage, and another way to check in, baggage claim, and the rest of the known airport world.

"So we split here?"

"Here, when it says 11:49, I should be pulling up to the curb," Matt said, handing me his cell phone.

I turn to go, as he starts walking quickly towards a set of double doors carry the luggage we had put in the overhead bins.

"Hey Matt! Than.."

"I know, now hurry up!" Stupid psychics. I rush through a raised hall way, that I can see a street below, connecting the monorail and the main part of the airport. I guess that street is where I'll meet Matt. It seems like it has a pretty steady stream of people loading and unloading cars. No one could really do anything there. Plus, what are the odds that I'll run into any one I know in a city I've never even been to?

The signs point out that the baggage claim is two levels down, which is good, because it means I don't have to drag anything down a bunch of steps, but bad because it means a bunch of steps. I manage to not slip on the stairs, which is even more impressive considering that the melting snow and ice from people's shoes on the steps.

I watch one of the carousels that already has luggage on it, remembering Matt's advice to wait for one to come back around to the beginning before taking it to minimize the chance that its owner was present. I feel like such a delinquent, getting tips on how to swipe luggage. My father would be appalled. At 11:46, I finally take a blue rolling suit case big enough to fit me inside it. A kindly man there with his family helped me lift it off the conveyor belt.

"Thank you," I say, embarrassed to need help in my criminal enterprises.

"No problem, that things as big as you are."

"Well, you gotta pack for this weather, right?" I shout as I head for the exit. I glance down at the phone as I head through the revolving door to the outside world. I get hit by a blast of cold, good lord it's below freezing and I don't even have a sweat shirt on. I can last three minutes for Edward. I glance down at the phone.

11:47. I can last two minute for Edward. I start to head towards the beginning of the car line figuring that I can jump into a hopefully well heated car all the quicker if I don't mind moving towards the area more exposed to the elements.

"Bella Swan! What are you doing shivering out here in the cold?" I hear a musical voice call from behind me.

**Author's note: Airports and Cities may have been reformatted to fit the story. Get over it. And if anyone honestly thinks that it is Edward talking to her at the end, disqualify yourself from any contests that I ever propose to win any secret outtakes or any other prize I come up with. As for a new contest, who do you want it to be? Persuade me, and that will get you your own outtake, possibly your own story. If you just guess the person I think it is without persuading me to do anything new, I'll send you the next chapter at the same time I send it to my beta. Who, by the way, is Books and Bojangles. Holds up applause sign Yay for her!**


	22. Two minutes

I turned, shivering from something besides the cold, towards the voice. I hadn't heard it since that baseball game that ended up nearly killing me. My mind flashed back to Edward stopping my heart in the hospital. But he'd left, even before the chase had begun. He'd headed off to Alaska, trying to avoid the whole fight. He'd switched to the vegetarian lifestyle.

"Laurent." How do you greet someone who may know something about the love of your life that you are searching for, who may have just seen him in Alaska? Or at least have talked to someone who know and have some idea where he's gone.

_"Bella," said the voice of my angel. "Look at his eyes."_

My head snapped around looking for Edward.

"Who are you looking for Bella?"

Right, he's not there. Matt and I had been over this. Hearing his voice didn't mean he was really there. If I was schizo, I needed another person to tell me if he was there. Matt seemed very familiar with this. I turned back towards Laurent.

Red eyes! Oh, not good. "Sorry, it's nothing," I answer, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Is Edward about?" the olive skinned vampire in front of me asked in a voice that seemed very concerned.

"No." I feel tears come to my eyes. One starts to drip down my cheek, but freezes before it gets very far. This time the shivering is from the cold.

"Incredible. James really must have rubbed off on her."

"What?" James? Why would he mention that fiend? He hadn't even liked him.

"Yes, you see, Alaska didn't really suit me. I happened to run into Victoria on my way back down into the states, and she asked a favor of me. She wondered if I could go look up the Cullens for her, try to find out everything they could about them. She seems to have quite a grudge against them."

_"Remember the plan,"_ a whisper said to me as I stared in shock at the red eyed vision before me.

"What does that have to do with me?" I said as I started to back towards the area that wasn't covered by the shadow of the airport terminal.

"Well, Victoria seemed to feel that you were a great way of getting revenge, but had nearly given up with you in Florida. Much too sunny. I think she concocted some plot to send Edward a newspaper clipping about your disappearance, make it look like a murder, when she heard you disappear. But she called and asked me to go to the airport on a hunch." He smiled. "I wasn't really getting anywhere in my research anyway."

The shadow ended down the block, or about thirty five feet across the street. I could keep backing up slowly, trying to play like nothing was wrong. Or I could run like hell for the other side of the street.

"Why don't you stop backing up, and we go somewhere more private to...talk?"

That made my decision and I turned to run. James caught me by the arm after only a few steps. No, not James. It was Laurent this time. And Edward wasn't coming.

"That way wouldn't have gotten you very far anyhow," Laurent offered, gesturing towards a figure lounging against a tree across the road. "Victoria sent a few friends along to help."

"Why are you doing this?" I pleaded. "They let you go."

"She can be very persuasive," Laurent said, leaning towards me. Towards my neck.

"Victoria doesn't want to do that herself?" I asked, frantically trying to put off the agony I knew was coming, though I don't any idea why. He let me go, and I slipped, falling on a patch of ice that I'd been walking on.

"Your right, she probably does. Though you do smell delectable."

_"Do you remember the plan at all?" _demanded an angry voice that I realize must have just been in my head from the way Laurent didn't even flinch, but god it was beautiful. I started to stand up, when something slipped out of my pocket, falling to the very edge of the sidewalk, before sliding down the icy curb to the little valley that the road makes at its very edge.

"I'm sure she'd be _very_ upset if you took this away from her, wouldn't she?" I said with much more confidence than I felt.

"I suppose you're right," sighed Laurent as I stooped to pick up the object just below the curb. I realized it was Matt's phone. As I picked it up, I noticed the digits click from 11:48 to 11:49.

_"Just get out of the road!" _Edward shouted angrily from my mind. Surprised, I hopped onto the curb, just as I felt the rush of air of a car shooting past me and heard a thunk, along with squealing tires.

**Author's note: NO! Edward is still not in this story. Jeez, how desperate are you all? He'll turn up soon, I think in about five chapters at the latest. Which, for those of you counting, is probably sometime towards the beginning of next week. On a side note, if you have a really good way Edward should be entering the story right now, let me know. I enjoy writing people their own versions of this (as one reader can attest), and would write you your own little chapter with Edward appearing that much sooner. By the way, another friend of mine has joined up at fanfiction, labeling herself reader414. Her permanent account number is u/1609673, and just as with 18forks, dropping her a line that she should write a story will be worth an outtake or an early viewing of the chapter. A link to her profile is also on mine. Go bug my friends.**


	23. Playlist

"Bella! Get in the car!" I heard in stereo from Matt, who was sitting in the driver seat of a white Cadillac Escalade, and from Edward, who was unfortunately still not around anywhere but my mind. As I started to turn, I heard the sound of something hitting and shattering a window well behind me. Remembering the plan for once, I grabbed the handle of the blue rolling suitcase, and with a hefty helping of adrenaline, managed to swing it up into the huge vehicle. It was now wedged between the seat and the dashboard, and I had to throw myself in on top of it, sprawling into the car. Matt gunned the engine, managing to close the door using the sudden acceleration as we rushed out of the car line. Horns blared all around us, and I saw a crowd of people standing over a figure inside of broken window in the airport as we sped away.

"Where are we going?" I asked Matt.

At the same time he demanded, "Who was that?"

"It was an old acquaintance. Laurent," I felt my chattering subside a little, as I realized that Matt had the heater going full blast. We probably had seat warmers, when I managed to actually get into the seat.

"Oh! I take it he decided he didn't like Denali then?" he spoke loudly, over the sound of the air rushing in from a broken window in the back.

"I guess not," I said as I managed to wriggle under the suitcase. Wow, seat warmers are incredible! "Where are we going?" I asked again.

Matt hesitated before answering. "I'm not sure where we're going."

"Following your impulses again?"

"Yeah, that's it," he answered very quickly. He seemed like he was hiding something.

"You have no idea where we're going yet?"

"Oh, you'll see in a minute," he finally said. "Check and see if we packed any good coats," he added as he gestured towards the giant suitcase pinning me to the seat. I sighed, not really in the mood to force it out of him, and opened the suitcase. It revealed an orange ski jacket at the very top, with sweat shirts below it, followed by more normal clothing that became thinner and less usable as outer wear as you went down. At the bottom was a bunch of boxers and socks.

"Do you want the jacket?" I offered to Matt.

"Are you crazy?" he said. "What kind of guy would take the jacket when there is a shivering woman not six feet away from him." I slipped it on, not really caring one way or the other. It wasn't even as warm as the heated air that was blasting out of the dashboard at us. As long as we were in a car, we would be fine. I glanced back at the broken window.

"Another stolen vehicle?"

"It seemed appropriate to pick up a run away who had just stolen a suitcase using a stolen car." I shook my head. We were going to end up in prison, no where near Edward, at the rate we were going. We pulled onto some interstate, though I don't know which one. The sign said we were heading for Wisconsin.

"Wisconsin? Why are we going to Wisconsin?"

"We're heading towards Wisconsin. The sign didn't say we were going to Wisconsin." He pulled an ipod out of his pocket, and plugged it into a port on the dash board. I watched him clicking through. Music. Then he selected play lists. He scrolled down and hit play when he was on the play list titled...

"CAR CHASE?!" I screamed as a guitar started blasting out of the speakers, followed shortly by some bells and some vocals that got absolutely no attention given what was happening.

"Everyone needs good music for a car chase," he responded cheerfully. I looked into the mirror out the passenger side door, just in time to see a police car come up the ramp we had just passed and turn on its siren.

"Oh my god we have to stop." I watched the speedometer inch closer to ninety. "Matt! Stop!"

"No way! A vampire just tried to kill you and drink your blood like a mile away from here. From what you've told me, he could he keeping pace with us on foot. I'm not stopping 'til I'm sure that none of us are going to be perforated by a mythical creature if I do."

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god," I shut my eyes as we zoomed between a pair of semis, one of which was merging into the lane that we just rushed through. We swerved through traffic, which seemed to be getting thinner as we got farther from the airport.

"I can't believe that I'm in a stolen car being chased by the police at ninety miles an hour," I seethed at Matt.

"Don't forget," added Matt, "I don't have a valid license and you haven't put your seatbelt on."

I clicked my seatbelt on.

"When we stop, I'm going to kill you," putting a lot of threatening tone into my voice when you consider that I am absolutely terrified!

"Really?" said Matt, in as shocked and innocent a voice as he could manage, given the circumstances.

"Ye...OW!" I cried as I was jerked into my seatbelt. Tires screeched, and I noticed the police car at the side of the road where we were approaching. We came to a stop just in front of it, as several cop cars halted just behind us.

"Figure out where we are going yet?" Matt asked gleefully.

**Author's note: Anyone who wants the car chase playlist, I am willing to give it out to people. I feel like I should dedicate this chapter to chapter 48 in glitchinthesystem's Puppetmaster. Everyone should read that story, it's one of the best on here, if not the best. Sad faces abound, as Books and Bojangles is currently unable to beta. But we continue on! Did no one try to get the free outtake that I offered last chapter? I am disappointed.**


	24. Arrival

"You are dead!" I shouted towards the other holding cell, now that there wasn't any police in the actual room. "How..how.."

"How what?" asked the smug looking little delinquent who had landed us here.

"I don't know. How could you get us arrested?" After we'd pulled to a stop, Matt had jumped out of the car, the car he had _stolen,_ and calmly surrendered to the police. I had been so shocked that I had just sat perfectly still while they cuffed him. I'd still been in shock when the shouting deputy with a gun pointed at me had wrenched open the door and ordered me to surrender. I was glad I had the jacket after I was cuffed while being held against a police car in below freezing temperatures. My dad was going to kill me.

"Well, I thought this was a great place to hide out while the Cullens find us. See, we are watched twenty four hours a day, so you might want to lay off the death threats, and the only way for a vampire to get us out is to show that they have super human powers."

"We're still in PRISON!"

"Not for as long as you think," he said with a smirk, nodding towards the corner that led to the rest of the station. A police officer was just turning it. He came and unlocked the doors to our cells, and ushered out a smiling Matt and a very stunned looking me.

"You two need to sign these," he said, placing a set of forms before us. Matt signed his without a second glance, but I looked mine over. It was a pledge to make the trial date, currently set for next week, and to not leave the jurisdiction of the State of Illinois, under penalty of farther fines and jail time. I realized what it was after a few moments.

"We made bail?" Where would either of us have gotten the money to pay? Or the time, since maybe Matt did have seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars some where in his luggage. But he'd been stuck with me the whole time.

"Your cousin and her fiance paid it. All in cash too," the officer said in a suspicious voice. "For now you're free to go though," he added as he led us toward the waiting area. I was struggling to think of what cousin exactly he meant, or if this was some sort of trick of Matt's somehow, when Matt whispered something to me.

"What did you say?" I asked, not catching his quiet words.

"Vampires that have money and connections could get us out without super human abilities," he whispered. As I realized what he meant, I felt a rock crash into my stomach.

"Bella! I'm so happy to see you. Are you ok? I never should have listened to him, it was stupid for us to leave, can you ever forgive me? Jasper's here, he'll be so glad to see you to..."

I realized that the rock, which had fortunately grabbed me and made sure I didn't fall, was actually Alice, who was talking a mile a minute. With the realization, I felt my arms shoot around the tiny form. I began talking just as quick, sobbing out that I was glad to see her, that I couldn't believe she was back, how much I'd missed her. And that everything was forgiven, that it wasn't her fault that Edward didn't love me.

"WHAT?" she screeched to a halt.

"It wasn't your fault. Edward told me how he didn't want me, how easily _distracted _your kind is, that I was just a novelty."

"He! Oh, I'll, I'll." I stumbled back as she let go of me, and she bolted smack into a worried looking Jasper who had just came in. I felt a wave of calm wash over me, like I was looking out over the ocean, but it didn't seem to phase Alice any.

"Are you ok?" he asked. Alice immediately started talking to a very pained looking Jasper, too low and quick for human ears to pick up. I felt reassurance and joy, beyond the joy I already felt from seeing the two of them sweep over me. With Edward missing, I hadn't felt the lack from the others so acutely, but now that they were here I again I knew what I had lost. I felt my best friend in my life again, and the love that she and Jasper had. It hurt losing them, all of them, even if I could hardly feel it through the haze of pain that was Edward's absence. I just stared at them, almost deliriously happy just to see them again. Even if they could just disappear at any moment, I was glad to have this one final gesture to show that they cared.

Suddenly Alice stopped talking. She just froze.

"Uh- oh," I heard Matt whisper from behind me.

Alice spun towards us, terror in her eyes. "We need to leave _now_."

**Author's note: Updates will slow down a little, now that I'm back at school. You might have to wait two or even three days, rather than the usual near every day update that I had. Sorry, and I hope you don't abandon me. Outtakes coming soon, to those who are owed them.**


	25. Reunions

Alice's eyes snapped to Matt behind me, squinting suspiciously. I looked between the two, at the too young seeming faces, and the shape of the eyes. And then I felt myself nearly getting whiplash as an angry granite pixie dragged me out of the station by my waist. And I was still so euphoric to have them back I didn't care. I didn't care about the look of absolute terror that Alice had thrown at me in the station. I didn't care that they might leave, that the cold was biting into my cheeks, that Laurent might be biting into my neck any second now. My friends, my family was back. I started crying again, with relief that they actually cared, that I was not so easily tossed aside by all of them as I was by Edward.

"Wait up!" shouted Matt as Alice, Jasper, and I hit the bottom of the steps leading out of the station. I slipped as we got to the sidewalk, not seeing the ice through my tears, and started to fall backwards. Jasper and Alice were both right there and caught me.

"Keep up!" retorted Alice shortly as she and Jasper made their catch. They didn't even bother to put me down as they hustled towards a black car with windows tented to about the same color as the rest of the car. I wiped my eyes and recognized Carlisle's Mercedes. I also recognized the sunlight that bathed the entire driver side of the vehicle. Alice suddenly wasn't at my side, as she covered the last dozen yards to the car at full speed and threw open the passenger side door. I felt myself being placed on my feet, and then Jasper was gone into the car, the door slamming closed before I could even take a step.

I knew that the feeling of abandonment that was once again overtaking me was completely irrational, but as I heard the car starting, I felt them tearing away from my life once again. Just like before, just like Edward, they would be gone, faster than I had any prayer of catching.

"Wait!" I cried, stumbling as I tried to get to the car. I suddenly felt a wave of confidence fill me.

"We're not going anywhere without you, Bella," Jasper's voice called out, his tone matching exactly the feeling that had just welled up in me. I managed to straighten myself up and get to the car. I half fell half slid into the passenger side of the back seat then scooted over to the other side to let Matt in. He managed to jump in mid step without touching the door frame at all, and turning to land perfectly in the seat. Why does it seem like I am not only the one clumsy person in the world, but that everyone I hang out with is inhumanely graceful?

"Hello, I'm Ma...Ahh!" Turn about's fair play, so I was pleased for once when Alice took off at typical Cullen speed. Matt was jerked back, and began fumbling around for a seatbelt.

I grinned, honestly grinned, to be back with my best friend, crazy driving and all.

"This is Matt," I said, gesturing toward him.

"Hello," said Jasper, turning around and holding out his hand. "I'm Jasper. This is my wife Alice," he added, gesturing towards her in the driver seat. I felt a wave of confidence hit me again.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Bella told me some about you. Is that confidence and understanding I keep feeling from you? Or just adrenaline?"

"It could be both, I suppose," said Jasper with a grin. "But those aren't really for you."

"Where are you from?" Alice chimed in, from the front seat.

"I live in Jacksonville."

"That isn't what I meant," she continued, strangely annoyed rather than cheerful enthusiasm I remembered.

"I know," said Matt, in a tone that made you want to punch him. "Biloxi."

A smile broke across Alice's face, "I'm glad to meet you. We'll have so much to talk about."

Matt, who had been eying her warily, smiled also, as if both of them suddenly understood something. "I feel like we will."

"You know, you're really hard to see." She seemed almost proud of the fact.

"I couldn't feel anything about you!" retorted Matt, but it was a happier response, not angry or sarcastic at all. He seemed excited about the whole thing.

"The first clear vision about Bella I had in a long time was the school reporting her missing, and a lot of blood being found in an alley near the school. I saw Renee, actually, crying over a picture of you," she said, locking eyes with me in the rear view mirror. "No body was found in the alley, and it has all the markings of a vampire playing with their food."

"But when almost as soon as we left, I got another vision, of you alive, though talking to _Laurent._" She said the whole thing brightly, except his name, which was nothing but venom. "And I recognized O'Hare. And now we have you back! Edward won't be back for another two days even if we manage to get a hold of him now, which we probably won't, so we have time to get you some new clothes to wear when you see him. Do you want to come too?" She finished, turning to look at Matt.

"Where are we going? Is there a food court?" Alice paused, before nodding.

"There's also several more upscale restaurants connected to the mall that you might like."

"Then ok."

"This is going to be so great! Edward will get back, he'll..."

"Hold on. Where's Edward?" I demanded. He left? Their whole family was constantly being torn apart because of me.

"He left," she said sadly. "He said he wanted to try and track Victoria, but he really just couldn't stand..."

"He what?!" I shouted, cutting her off. He told me to make sure I didn't do anything foolish, anything to put myself in danger, and he would go do this? I couldn't live with myself if he was hurt.

"He left to hunt Victoria, but don't worry, he's fine. And he'll," she stopped suddenly. "Oh no. That idiot! How could he?"

"What is it? What happened?" I demanded. Please let him be ok. I need him.

The car pulled over at the side of the road, and Alice began searching her purse or her cell phone. Jasper pulled out his before she found hers, both moving quicker than I could hoped to follow. Matt, usually sarcastic, childish, or utterly emotional, had a look of complete shock and terror on his face.

"What is going on?!" I yelled at the speedily moving vampires in the front.

**Author's note: Life's been pretty crazy recently. You might have noticed it took a little longer than usual for me to update. I don't expect that to be a regular occurrence that it takes so long, but if it happens every now and then, bear with me. I am not ignoring the story because I don't like you all. Occasionally, real life intrudes into the online fantasy, where beautiful vampires abound and I am a well liked author. As always, fun comments will lead to outtakes. Hope you all are doing well.**


	26. Beyond the Sea

Alice finally finished talking on the phone. She handed the phone to Jasper, who continued talking at those annoying vampire speeds.

"Stupid, overly dramatic..." she muttered.

She looked at me with wide, frightened eyes. I'd never seen her like this. Even when we were getting chased by James she'd always remained confident. She had always been so sure that nothing would happen, that we'd make it through ok.

"What did Edward tell you about the Volturi?"

I thought back to my conversations with Edward, trying to think of any mention of the Volturi.

"I don't really remember. What are the Volturi?"

"The Volturi are the closest thing to royalty that we have in the Vampire world," Alice answered. I looked at her in confusion. Honestly, the Cullens lived like royalty, I wondered what the people who were considered the kings and queens of their world must be like.

"The Volturi are an incredibly powerful coven of vampires. Not like us, either. They make and enforce all our laws."

"What do you mean they aren't like you?"

"They don't eat animals, do they?" Matt asked.

She shook her head. "Edward went to them to try to commit suicide," she said, her voice breaking.

I gasped, as what she said sank in. All the pain I'd felt was nothing compared to thinking about anything happening to Edward. Every injury I'd ever had seemed to flair up, every bruise and break and stitch. The horrible lack, the hole in me from Edward not being in my life overwhelmed me, and I blacked out.

I came to as we pulled into a small airport.

"No!" Alice was shouting into a phone. "It has to be this way. We might have too many already. If he sees us coming..." she paused, waiting for the person on the other end of the line to say something. "No, it has to be Bella. If he hears any of us he'll just do it quicker. No, you all need to just stay put. I know. I love you too." She clicked the phone shut.

"What do you mean? What do I have to do?" I asked Alice.

"Edward thinks you're dead."

"What?" Why would he think that? Why would he even care? Did he actually have any feelings for me?

"You really need to hear this explanation from him. But he really does love you, and he's been a complete mess ever since he left. He's going to try to provoke the Volturi into killing him by breaking just about the only rule we have. He's going to show humans what he is, and the Volturi enforce that rule very stridently."

They'd kill him! "Alice! We have to stop him! Why don't you get the whole family to go drag him back? We can't let him do this," I pleaded.

"If he senses anyone coming to stop him, it's just going to make him do it all the quicker. He hasn't even gotten to the Volturi yet. First he'll ask them, and they'll "think" about it, even though Aro would never kill someone with as great a gift as Edward's. That should buy us some time. He still hasn't decided what he'll do to provoke them anyhow when they won't kill him. We've got time, if we can just get you to him, it'll all be ok."

We got on a private jet that Carlisle had chartered while we were on the drive over. Even when chasing Edward in my dreams, even when he had told me how I was no good for him, I had never wished to be a vampire as much as I do now. To be able to run at such break neck speeds and not stumble, to be able to run to him immediately and stop him from killing us both.

After Alice told me, I was to nervous to even sit still. I would have probably been pacing up and down the aisle of the little jet we were on, except that Jasper (or I assume it was Jasper, perhaps I just was that tired) hit me with a smothering blanket of lethargy that soon had me nodding off to sleep. I tried to stay awake, but all I managed was to keep drifting in and out of consciousness. I would wake up to Alice stroking my hair, looking at me with sad eyes, or Jasper and Matt deep in conversation that I should have been able to catch but couldn't in my half awake state.

I couldn't tell if it was hours or days that I was like that, though I know it must have only been a few hours before we landed.

I heard Alice growl as we exited the plane.

"What is it?"

"The Volturi just told Edward their decision. That was much quicker than I thought they would. We need to hurry," she said, her eyes scanning a collection of parked cars separated from us by a chain link fence.

**Author's note: Again, sorry I didn't update as fast as I wanted to. I meant to have this done last night, but things intruded. Now I have to go write a paper on neurology and addiction (who doesn't like this topic, among us Edward lovers?), so while I can respond to comments, don't expect much in the way of updates today. But please, give me a reason to procrastinate some more.**


	27. In Time

"That one," said Alice, pointing toward a red four door sports car with the letters RX-8 on the side of it in silver. I looked around for the gate through to it when I felt myself flying over the fence.

"Aaaaahhhhh!"

And then Alice, who I realized had thrown me in the first place, was beneath me, on the other side of the fence, catching me. I felt her place me on the ground, though she kept a hold of my wrist and began to drag me toward the car she had already pointed at.

"Don't ever do that again!" I shouted, as I noticed Matt and Jasper, who must have pulled a similar move, opening the doors to the car.

"We're in a hurry, Bella, come on!" she retorted as she tossed me the last bit of the way into the car. I landed with a dull thud on soft leather, as she started the car.

"Where did you get.."

"Whoever parked it in this valet lot seems to have left the keys in the ignition," Matt answered, buckling up. As I was jolted forward by Alice slamming us into reverse, I started fumbling for mine too. I finally grasped it as Alice floored it out of the parking lot that we had, once again, stolen a car from. Not that it mattered. We had to get to Edward. I tried to take deep, calming breathes, but it really wasn't working.

"Where are we going, Alice?" I asked, trying not to see the picturesque old buildings flying by so fast that it was starting to make me sick.

"Edward decided that he would get there attention rather simply. There is an old square in the middle of town with a beautiful fountain in it. Its a popular tourist spot, and when the bell from the cathedral right next door is chiming noon, it should be full of people. Then, he's going to just step into the sunlight." She seemed remarkably calm about her brother's method of killing himself. "Except of course, you're going to get to him first." That explains it. She was just certain that the klutzy human she hangs out with would manage to get there in the nick of time to save the day. Of course. I would get to him and it would all be ok. I felt a surge of confidence and enthusiasm. I could do this. Or Jasper really wanted me to think I could, and give it my best shot.

No, I couldn't think like that. I had to do this. I couldn't let anything happen to Edward.

"We aren't going to be able to get any closer than the other side of the square. Traffic's to bad this close to the center of town," Jasper chimed in.

"It'll be close enough," Alice answered confidently. "Barely."

"We won't be able to go out with you, Bella," Jasper said, turning towards me. "We'll pull the car around to meet you on the other side. Just stay in the shadows until we get there."

Suddenly, Alice threw us into a hard turn, while slamming on the brakes. I felt the car fishtail around, and we spun in the alley until my door came to face a beautiful square with a fountain that sent cascades of water shooting high into the air, leaving little rainbows all around before falling into the pool below. It was breath taking.

Then I noticed past, the fountain, a tall pale figure in a shadowed alley. Even with his eyes closed, those beautiful golden pools that could stop my breath all on their own, I could hardly believe he was real. All these long months apart, how had I managed to ever forget any feature of him? All I needed to do was imagine heartbreaking perfection and it was him, yet somehow I had failed to hold onto it. That auburn hair, perfect mouth, even creased into a pained frown like that.

"Bella! Go!" shouted the rest of the car impatiently. I snapped out of it, and threw my door open. Of course I stumbled as I got out, but skinning my knee was nothing, he was there. He was really there. I watched his throat move as he swallowed. I ran faster than I ever had in my life. I didn't even bother to go around the fountain.

"Edward!" I cried out to him as I splashed through it.

I saw his perfect hands, that play such wonderful music, that did such amazing things when they brush my cheek and my neck, clench into fist. Surely he heard me. Why didn't he do anything?

"Edward! I love you!" I shouted again, and this time I saw his mouth twist into a half smile. Not the one I loved so much, though this was beautiful all the same, but one filled with such pain you wondered why someone would smile while the felt like that.

I was out of the water now, nearly there.

"Edward!" but this time I was drowned out by the loud chiming of a bell.

I saw him start to take a step, slower than I'd ever seen him move. Out into the sun.

"No!" I shouted, as I threw myself at him, slamming into his chest rather than slowing down. He stumbled backward, but caught me, holding me in those wonderful cold arms that felt so perfect, so safe. I felt myself starting to cry, I was so happy just to touch him again, just to have him hold me.

"Amazing," he said, as I looked up into those beautiful golden eyes that had haunted my dreams, whether I was asleep or awake. "Carlisle was right."


	28. A Moment Alone

"What?" I said, starring up at him in confusion. He looked at me with an equally perplexed expression.

"Why are you crying? Your voice always was angry before, never sad." Suddenly I remembered my own run ins with his voice, hearing him but never being able to find the source of the beautiful sounds.

"It's real, Edward. I'm real," I said, frantically pulling myself up by the cream colored shirt that was covering that beautiful icy chest. I finally managed to stand while still within his arms

"What?" he said, his voice quivering like he was going to break. "You're really here?"

"I'm really here," I breathed as I snaked my arms around his neck, tilting my face up so that I could kiss him. Not like any kiss we had before. I threw myself into it completely, and though temporarily shocked he threw himself into it too. I felt his tongue run along my lips and tickle lightly over my teeth and gums as I inhaled his cool breath, that wonderful perfect smell that I wondered how I had ever felt like I could live before I had known it. My mouth and lips tingled where the venom that must have been flooding his mouth touched them, but even that tasted wonderful. Sharp and intensely minty. I started to swoon, overwhelmed by the electricity of his touch, by his smell and taste and feel.

I felt his hands pressing me tightly to him, as he turned slightly, breaking contact between our lips, and trailing his along my cheek up to my ear. I shivered at his light touch on my face, and at the much harder touch as he pressed me desperately to him.

"Breath love," he murmured ,into my ear, and I could feel his cheek and his lips move to form that half smile, the real one that I loved. I gasped for breath as he kissed his way down my neck to my shoulder, moving aside the wet jacket that I was wearing. I felt his hands moving quickly as they slid under my jacket and shirt, to press against the bare skin of my back. I loved how cold he was, after feeling normal human skin instead of the cool granite that I had craved. I felt my knees give out, the exhaustion and lack of nourishment catching up with me, but Edward quickly just scooped me up and cradled me in his arms. I pressed my head against his chest, loving the silence there, my tears silently soaking into its fabric.

"Why are you crying, Bella? Are you hurt? Oh!" I felt him lean down and kiss my bleeding knee. His cold touch felt nice where I was sure there would be bruise in the morning.

"I'm not crying because I'm hurt. I missed you so much, I can't believe, I just, I..."

"Shhhh," he said, quieting me with a softer kiss on the lips that deepened as I opened my mouth to meet his. He didn't draw back for a long time, and when he did he moved so slowly, seeming to savor it every moment of it.

"Vampire memory isn't supposed to be able to forget," he muttered.

"Do you need more reminders?" I said, gazing up into the only eyes I ever wanted to see, the only thing I ever wanted to see. He laughed lightly and kissed me on the top of my head, then again at on my lips. He then quickly kissed me on the nose, and each eyelid and the forehead as I sighed against him.

I caught him for another long kiss, feeling his tongue playing against mine. Eventually we broke apart again.

"Will you take me home?" I asked, hoping he would never let me down.

And for once, it was as if he could read my mind. "Only if I can hold you like this the whole way."


	29. We're off to see the

Suddenly Edward's head snapped up, his face looking distant and worried. He put me on down, and quickly stepped in front of me.

"Demetri," he said, inclining his head towards an incredibly pale man with black hair that fell in waves down to his shoulder.

"As heart warming as this scene is, you do realize why we were sent to tail you, don't you Edward?" the man, who I assume was a vampire, said in a resigned voice. Edward tensed up, as if preparing to spring.

"Edward," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder. Not to restrain him, but just remind him I was there. Ok, and to touch him again. In fact, I went ahead and pressed my self into his back. He seemed to relax slightly at my touch.

"Are you going to come peacefully then?"

"If you let her go."

"No, Aro was very clear that he wanted to talk to all of you."

Edward immediately tensed up again. This time I could see why though, as a very chagrin looking Jasper, Alice, and Matt walked around the corner escorted by a child. She was even shorter than Alice was, and had brown hair, from what I could see from behind Edward. He'd shifted to keep himself between me and her as soon as she'd come into view. Even though that left me exposed to the gaze of a somewhat quizzical looking Demetri.

"We'll go peacefully," Edward said with a sigh, after glancing at Alice.

"This way, then," said Demetri, and we all fell into step behind him, with Edward and Alice forming up behind me and Matt, blocking us from the other of our apparent captors, while Jasper stayed in the front between us vulnerable humans and Demetri. We got an impromptu tour of the cities back alleys as Demetri wove in and out of side streets and I listened to what I could hear of one side of Edward and Alice's conversation.

"You what?! I can't believe you would put her in danger like that! I thought..."

He cut off, judging by his grimace, from a retort that Alice made in her head.

"And what _about _Jasper?! You're putting him in the same...Ow!" This time, it was plain to tell that he was cut off by a kick in the shin from Alice. I smacked a smirking Matt in the arm. The conversation continued for a few minutes, to low and quick for me to here.

"Would you stop talking about us like we're not here?" demanded Matt suddenly.

"You could understand them?"

"No, but that doesn't give them any right to talk about us like that." Edward looked like he'd been forced to eat that pizza back at the cafeteria, while Alice looked resigned, as she seemed to examine Matt.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked him.

"Yes, quite sure."

"We're here," said Demetri, gesturing toward a sewer drain in the curb. An incredibly ornate drain, but still a drain. I watched as some water from a leaking pipe or hydrant ran down into it. This was where we are going?

It must have been, because Jasper calmly leaped right into the darkness. I didn't even hear the sound of his landing. Was it that far down, or was it just the light feet of a vampire? Matt went next, pivoting to wave at all of us before a last backward step into empty air. Did I hear something that time? I must have.

"It's not that far," said Edward trying to reassure me. Alice dropped in too. Leaving just me, Edward, and our captors standing here. "We need to hurry. Your friend seems to be heading off without us."

"Can you carry me through?" I asked pitifully. I know its irrational to think that anything would happen to me, but I feel like it is sort of hard wired into any sane person to not want to fall into a place they cannot see.

"Close your eyes," Edward said, glancing at our two escorts warily. I shut them tightly, wrapping my arms around his cold frame. I shivered slightly as he held me close. There was a brief rush of air, that sent my hair flying up off of my neck.

"You can open them now," Edward whispered, immediately separating himself from me. He'd seemed so distant since we'd been interrupted. Had he just been glad to see me alive? No, he said he didn't want to put me down, he must still love me. There must have been more going on. Even seeing him worried and distracted like that, he was still enough to make me swoon. The child and Demetri led us down a long hall way, through a set of doors, in to a well lit chamber, which, I noticed, was much warmer than the damp corridor we had been strolling along. It was paneled in beautiful shining hardwoods, with immaculate, thick red carpets. Set slightly tfo the side of a huge set of double doors was a large desk, which had a beautiful, dark skinned woman behind it.

"Hello again, Edward," she said, nodding to him. "The others are already inside with Aro and Caius." Her smile suddenly became more genuine as she noticed Demetri and the childlike vampire who had escorted us. "You can go ahead in."

"Thank you, Gianna," Edward said graciously. I smiled, reminded of all the times my eternally youthful gentleman had opened so many doors for me when we were back in Forks as he reached to open the huge double doors into whatever unknown we were heading. Though it was apparently only an unknown for me.

**The previous chapters had no author's notes because I thought they needed sometime alone. Not even me interrupting. And to Maren Mitchell, I was very close to just ending it at the previous chapter. I want to see how them meeting the Volturi goes though. Any suggestions would be gladly heard. Anyone else worried about this meeting with Aro?**


	30. A Rough Start

I walked into a room, to find Jasper, Alice, and Matt talking to two old men who obviously were something besides human. Their skin, so pale, was hardly the flawless beauty I'd grown used to from the Cullens. It had an almost papery quality to it, looking very brittle. One had black hair, while the other had snowy white. The black haired one seemed more at easy, smiling at something someone had just said.

The two older men stood at the top of a series of steps. This room was once again made of the same cold stone as the corridors. It reminded me of a locker room, as there was a drain in the middle of the floor, though it was bigger than any I had seen in a normal, human room.

"Ah, so here's the one all the fuss is about," called out one of the two vampires I didn't know as I entered.

I blushed, stopping only a couple steps into the room as every head turns toward me. I feel Edward step up behind me, his hands pulling me protectively towards him.

"You don't need to act so frightened, Edward."

"Let her go and I won't be, Aro."

The black haired one, Aro, chuckled. The white haired one stepped forward as if this was a signal and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Marcus says he's never seen so strong a bond as the one between you two. Which is especially impressive, since he just said the same thing about your 'siblings.'" The one called Aro smiled down on Alice and Jasper, who stood on the opposite side of the steps from Matt. "But you needn't worry about me holding Bella overly long. Alice has already shown me a rather fascinating glimpse of your futures. I only wish to test to see if her, ah, shall we say, immunity, extends beyond your gift."

I felt Edward tense up again.

The door opened behind us again. "Ah, Jane, how good of you to join us," Aro called from the stage. I looked back to find the child who had escorted us standing against the door, and heard a strange noise that I realized was Edward's teeth grinding together.

"Stop. I'll be ok," I whispered to him, though I had no idea what I was about to agree to.

"Only your power," Edward said firmly, glaring at Aro.

"You're hardly in a position to bargain. You needn't worry though. This is almost as much a test of Alice's gift as Bella's."

"What do I need to do?" I asked.

"My ability is much like Edward's, except that I must touch the person to hear their thoughts."

"And that yours is able to show every thought the person has ever had," retorted Edward.

I faltered as I walked. Every thought? They would then know my friends and family. Would they be safe? And Edward could read his mind! I didn't want anyone to see all the embarrassments I had accrued over the years. Or for anyone, especially Edward, to see how I had given up, see the pain that I had felt when Edward was gone. I stopped, unsure about continuing.

"Jane?" Aro asked, at the same moment that Edward cried out, "No!"

He leaped toward the girl, but seemed to stumble as he went into the jump, and crashed to the ground a few feet in front of her. He screamed, writhing in pain, as Jane looked at him with a cheerful, though malicious smile.

"Edward!" I called, and ran toward him. Matt was quicker though, interposing himself between the two of them. He shuddered, though he managed to close the distance to Jane.

"Ow," Matt said conversationally, then reached out to grab Jane. Before I could even take another step, she had penned him to the floor. She snarled as she held him down. Edward started to get up, and she once more turned her gaze towards him. This time I was between them, and despite Edward's weak attempts to hold me back, I didn't feel whatever had hurt him. Perhaps it only worked on vampires?

"Enough, Jane," called Aro, and like a surly, but well trained pet, she was off of Matt, and heading towards the stage.

Edward finally seemed to regain his voice as he pulled me down towards him.

"You're alright?" he demanded in a terrified voice.

"Should I not be?"

He shook his head. "Jane burns people with her mind."

I realized what he had done, leaping into the way. Should I feel horrified that he had hurled himself into harm's way, or overjoyed that he was so worried. I settled for throwing myself into his arms. "Don't ever do that again," I whispered into his neck in what I hoped was a stern sounding voice. By the quiet chuckling I heard around the room, I didn't manage to achieve the desired effect.

**I've been slow updating this because I was working on my next story. It's something different for me, since it will be (probably) much less angsty. It's also different because I recruited other authors to write all the other main character's view points. This story, though, is obviously nearing completion, so I hope that you all have enjoyed it. To those still owed outtakes, you will get them, fear not. I'm just a little behind. Oh, and I tried to add a few of you on my DocX connections so I could send you an outtake, but only two of the five accepted.**


	31. An Exit

"Now for me," said the black haired one. He seemed to find the whole thing as exciting as a five year old finds Christmas. Which seemed to bode ill for me, if he considered someone like me a new toy. Is it bad that none of that seemed to matter while I was so close to Edward?

"He won't see a thing love. Alice already looked." I squeezed him all the tighter as I felt his grip on me loosening. I felt him chuckle slightly under me. I was about to ask him to walk me up there, when in a fit of pride, I decided to try not to be the most pitiful one in the room. I straightened up and turned to walk up to Aro. And Edward walked me up anyhow. How could I ever be so lucky?

A cold oniony hand took mine for a second, while Edward refused to relinquish my other hand, and the old vampire got a far off look in his eye for a moment.

"Incredible. Nothing." He looked at me thoughtfully. "I know that you hope Edward will be the one to turn you, but we would be glad to have someone of your talents. Would you like to be a member of our guard? Any of you really," he added as he looked out over our motley little rescue operation. "Well, except you," he said, having stopped on Matt, "Alice did show me how that would turn out."

"I'm sure you realize that I would never take it then," Matt said, smiling, as usual, as if he knew something I didn't.

"Are the rest of you equally certain? Bella?" I thought about the chance to live for eternity, to no longer have to have someone catch me every second of the day, to no longer be a burden on anyone.

"No thank you," I said, leaning into Edward. Seeing as I don't care about any of the rest of it, as long as I get to spend forever with Edward, it seemed a rather foolish question on his part. I looked around to see that all the rest of the Cullens and Matt seem to agree with me.

"Well then," Aro said with a sigh and a small smile, "You all are free to go. Do you need someone to show you out?"

"No, I think we can find the way," said Edward in a distracted voice. I glanced up at him (ok, I hadn't stopped looking at him the whole time) and saw that he was gazing at me. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, before pulling away slightly.

"Let me talk to Matt for just a second," he said when I started to lean with him as he moves back.

I pouted. "Just for a second, love."

"Ok, but hurry back. Please?"

I watched Edward walk over and say something quietly to him. I saw Matt nod, before he clapped Edward on the back, whispering something to him. Edward nodded back, then flashed back across the room to me. "Shall we be going then?"

I nodded, and he led me out of the room at the head of our little group.

"I hope I see you all again," Ghiana tells our retreating forms.

"I'm glad you had this jacket," Edward said, pinching the orange sleeve. "it's freezing down here."

"It was Matt's idea."

"You'll have to tell me the whole tale when we get home," he whispered into my ear, and I felt my heartbeat speed up. Yet some how I felt more relaxed than I had in ages.

"What did you want to say to Matt?" I asked as we broke out into sunlight. It seemed we were in the Volturi's private courtyard, and there, waiting for us, was the car we had taken from the airport.

"Just thank you, and to make sure he was ok with how this turned out."

"Why wouldn't he be ok? Are we riding in the front or the back?" I turned back to see what the rest of the group thought, and found only Alice and Jasper standing behind us.

"Where's Matt?"

"He had to stay behind," Alice said, looking down while Jasper rubbed her back soothingly.

"What? Why?"

"No human can know about our kind and live. We were only able to get you out when I showed Aro a vision of you becoming one of us. And so he saw what would happen if he tried turning Matt. To put it mildly, it wouldn't have worked out well." And with that she collapsed, sobbing, into Jasper.

"What? We have to go back!"

"There's nothing we can do," Edward said quietly, his arms coming around my waist.

"No, we can't just leave him there to die!" I tried to head back the way we had come, and found that what I had taken for an affectionate gesture also served to imprison me.

"Bella, there's nothing we can do, and I'm not losing you again." As Edward said this, I found myself being carried into the car. I felt my struggles start to abate and a feeling of calm coming over me. Needless to say, I threw myself back into attempting to escape, now also angry at Jasper, who was still outside holding Alice.

"How could you Edward? How could you leave him like that?"

"I would do a lot worse for you," he retorted angrily. "And Matt understood."

**You might have noticed, if you are one of my more avid readers, that there used to be an epilogue. But I took it down, because, frankly, I hated it. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't this story anymore. So this story ends where I intended it to end originally. Bella and Edward are together and safe and both know that the other loves them, and isn't that what the whole thing is about? Any future readers, just ask for the outtake of Matt's death and I'll send it to you. And if you ask really nice, maybe I would even send someone the epilogue. But probably not.  
**


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